The East Coast is finally getting back to normal after that big snowstorm.
That was unbelievable wasn't it? Did you see New York City? It was whiter
than an episode of "Friends".
The European Union today told Saddam Hussein today that he has "one last
chance". You know, until his next last chance.
Scientists at the University of Illinois have developed a plastic that
repairs itself. If it cracks or breaks it automatically repairs itself. You
know what that means? Women in L.A. will one day become indestructible.
You got to feel bad for President Bush. He's getting upset with the U.N
dragging their feet over attack on Iraq. He wants to be able to wipe them
out before his one-term presidency is up.
Atheists are upset with President Bush because more and more of his
speeches have references to Christianity. And I think you can tell, this
morning when President Bush got a look at a speech he was giving today he
said, "Jesus! Look at all those big words!"
Earlier today Dick Gephardt announced his candidacy for president. His next
step is to find a running mate or as he put it, "The alcohol to his
sleeping pills."
Two feet of snow in Washington, which is unheard of. The good news is
between the federal holiday yesterday and the Bush economic plan, nobody
missed any work.
In Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney had a heart attack from watching someone
shovel snow. Just from watching!
What a storm! This is supposed to be one of the biggest storms of the
century, of the last century too! In fact they said there hasn't been this
much shoveling in Washington since Bush tried to explain his economic policy.
I guess you know our Homeland Security director, Tom Ridge, is now
downgrading the alert. Remember last week it was duct tape and plastic
sheeting. He's lowered it to scotch tape and two zip lock bags.
There's a rumor in the music world that the Spice Girls are getting back
together. In a related story, the nation's terror alert has just been
raised to red.
You turn on the news: The Rolling Stones are on tour, anti-war protesters
fill the streets. Is this 2003, or is this a bad acid flashback?
Former President Bill Clinton said he regrets not nailing Osama bin Laden.
He also regrets not nailing a flight attendant named Heather and a Vegas
cocktail waitress named Misty.
Today Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock announced that they are getting married
next month. It will be a traditional white trash wedding.
http://www.newsmax.com/liners.shtml
- The late shift. professor rat
- professor rat
