This is exciting. Dick Gephardt has announced he is running for president.
(laughs) Yeah, exciting! He once ran before but lost. He was no match for
the irresistible charm and charisma of Michael Dukakis.
When President Bush heard this he said, "Maybe I will have a second term."
President Bush says that we don't need approval from the U.N. to go to war.
No approval? Hell, he didn't need approval from American voters.
Porn's uber-impresario, the supreme commander of Sin City's forces, David
Sturman, phoned me today.
After half-heartedly chastizing me for a moment or two over my recent Sin
Twins postings, I asked the Don of Sin City if it were true--had Sin City's
Texas-sequel to the original Sin Twins really flaked on him?
David conceded that this latest iteration of Sin Twins had indeed flaked.
And they did so before his production minions had a chance to shoot them in
even one freaking scene!
Bummer!
But it gets worse: According to Sturman, he'd payed these sibling-sluts a
fair amount of contract dough before they split.
Double-bummer!
I asked David if he had any idea why the identical fuck-sluts had flown the
Sin City coop, and more importantly, how he got my private cell phone number.
Sturman told me he had been arranging to get the Texas twins on the Howard
Stern Show. Apparently, they weren't too thrilled. They were worried about
the sudden recognition their appearance might bring. Family stuff he
guesses. As for my cell phone number, well, he's David Sturman. 'Nuff said.
But the real reason he called was to question the authenticity of the email
I received from the original Sin Twins that I then posted on the site.
David doesn't buy that it came from the Russian twins. He said the Sin
Twins--the Russian twins, not the Texas twins; boy this gets
confusing--don't possess the English language skills contained in that
email. David insinuated that Misha and Sasha (the original Sin Twins)
couldn't order lunch in English. He suspects that jimmyD had been duped
into posting a phony email.
I assured David that I don't dupe easy. David assured me that in this case,
I was easily duped.
Was not.
Was.
Was not.
Was.
Ok, so I can't prove I wasn't duped and he can't prove I was. That's the
problem with dupes: It's hard to tell when you're being duped. If it
weren't hard to tell, I guess no one would ever get duped. That's why it's
hard to tell, and why a lot of people get duped. But I assured Sturman I'd
leave no stone unturned in my quest to prove whether or not a simplyjimmyD
duping had taken place.
My keen, finely-honed, reporter's intuition told me Sturman wasn't calling
from his San Francisco fortress. I was right. (Which also proves I don't
dupe easily.)
Sturman was attending a store-signing with his new trailer park trash
director, Skeeter Kerkove Superstar, and Skeeter's sizzling, hot, wife,
Bridgette Kerkove. By the way, most people mistakenly pronounce the
Kerkove's last name like it rhymes with jerk-off. But that's incorrect.
It's pronounced like it's Curr-cove. Just thought some of you might like to
know that.
Skeeter, who we sometimes affectionately refer to as Frankenskeeter because
he's become such a monster porn-phenom, has become the latest darling of
the raincoaters. You might remember that Skeeter-mania was originally
conceived and created by uber-publicist, Harry Weiss, during Weiss' Metro
tenure. But since then, it's been all Skeeter.
Sturman told me that Skeeter's first outing for Sin City, "Clusterfuck,"
sold over five-thousand units. That's huge for an adult title. I don't know
how many Michael Raven epics sold five-thousand pieces, but my guess would
be none. But that's just a wild guess.
My phone call with David ended amicably. We shot the shit for a while.
Sturman and I go back a ways. It was Sturman who hatched my porn directing
career. I thought you might want to know that in case they ever put out a
porn version of Trivial Pursuit and that question is on one of the cards.
Check out Skeeter's "Clusterfuck," from Sin City. And if you can't get
enough Skeeter after doing that, check out his recent "2ANAL4U" from Smash
Pictures. I'd mention Skeeter's Metro titles, but what the fuck has Metro
ever done for me?
http://www.simplyjimmyd.com/
