Finally .. the voice of reason. :)
On Fri, Feb 19, 2010 at 11:55 AM, <[email protected]> wrote: > Even though he has all these awesome skills WE all know Chuck is not tough > enough to do a D&D ride . > > > > Chuck Norris rides Dark and Dirty look Ma no brakes without lights,his > > eyes > > closed not clipped in on a road bike. > > > > Some more, for Friday entertainment... > > ------------------------------------------------ > > Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. > > Chuck Norris doesn't read. He stares the book down until it gives him the > > information he needs. > > Chuck Norris is actually built like those Russian dolls that nest inside > > each other. If you break Chuck Norris open, there will be another Chuck > > Norris inside, but smaller...and meaner. > > Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are > > trademarked > > names for his left and right legs. > > The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. > > If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck > > Norris, > > you may be only seconds away from death. > > Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. > > Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the > > probability > > of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. > > Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. > > Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. > > Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the > > man ate a f***ing Indian. > > In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it > > notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed > in > > the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. > > There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. > > Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke > > the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while > she > > was flying over thePacific Ocean. > > Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes > > corn > > needs to lie the f*** down. > > Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could > > eat > > a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. > > The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. > > It > > failed miserably. > > If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds > > 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you > in > > the face. > > Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. > > Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and > > unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was > > finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his > soul > > back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he > > should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of > > the month. > > There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris > > allows to live. > > Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first > > 45 > > minutes having sex with his waitress. > > Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of > > tennis. > > Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the > > butter comes straight out. > > When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes > > only > > a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not > > had > > to pay taxes ever. > > The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. > > A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for > handicapped > > people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck > > Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. > > Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the > > Magnolia. > > Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a > > plane > > and punched the ground. > > Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, > > but > > was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a > > roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's > no > > glitch." > > The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on > > games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade. > > Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by > > yelling, "Bang!" > > Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. > > On > > July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, > > streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An > > embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a > > beer. > > Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. > > Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the > > best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the > > worst > > mistake anyone has ever made. > > Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a > > Chucktatorship. > > Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once > > swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six > > feet tall and had learned karate. > > Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck > Norris > > Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg > uncertainty > > principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he > will > > roundhouse-kick you in the face. > > Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds. > > Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead > > decided > > to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. > > If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will > > roundhouse > > kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse > > delivered by none other than Norris himself. > > Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. > > Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple > > universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. > When > > it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris > > roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as > > Stephen > > Hawking. > > The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, > > because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of > > the world in one turn. > > In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use > > to > > kill you, including the room itself. > > Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. > > Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American > > Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick > > to > > the face. > > When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and > > instead > > requests a hand gun and a bucket. > > There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris. > > Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more > > testicles?" > > contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. > > Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of > > beard, > > which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were > > enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged > > to > > have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of > mysterious > > roundhouse-kick related injuries. > > Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. > > When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds > up > > the phone and money falls out. > > Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him > there > > was a stripper in it. > > There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to > > different shades of black and blue. > > Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are > > filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark > > red. > > A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of > > execution in 16 states. > > When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water > gets > > Chuck Norris. > > Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer > > steroids. > > Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run > > king. > > Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang > is > > roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) > > Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. > > When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It > > will > > be because he has run out of women. > > How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? > > ...All of it. > > Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves > > out > > of fear. > > In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger > size > > than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized". > > Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. > > If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of > > Australia for 44 minutes. > > The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has > > been > > there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. > > Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, > > there > > is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to > > a > > Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. > > Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called > Chuck-Will-Kill. > > When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French > > surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. > > While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. > > Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it > > became > > apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his > > autobiography. > > When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck > > Norris > > kills a ninja, he uses every part. > > Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his > > lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." > > Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go > > around. > > Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing > > that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. > > For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck > > Norris, > > each testicle is larger than the other one. > > When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will > score > > a > > 1600. > > Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of > > visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. > > When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One > > roundhouse > > kick to the face. > > Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 > > World > > Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free > > Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the > game > > UNO. > > On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be > > thrown > > into the sun. > > Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. > > Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws > > down! > > In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked > > that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the > > universe. > > Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. > > Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with > his > > own rage. > > Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year > > 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" > > Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. > > Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly > destroyed, > > as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. > > If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will > > generate > > zero results. It just doesn't happen. > > Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the > > other > > nine faint. > > The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island > > with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has > > been burned. > > Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk. > > You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real > > life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you > > and kill you. > > Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. > > When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He > > walks through them > > James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon > > reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a > > documentary, > > so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. > > Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. > > Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section > > when > > he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb. > > Chuck Norris can divide by zero. > > > > -- > > You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups > > "DarkAndDirty" group. > > To post to this group, send email to [email protected]. > > To unsubscribe from this group, send email to > > [email protected]<darkanddirty%[email protected]> > . > > For more options, visit this group at > > http://groups.google.com/group/darkanddirty?hl=en. > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > South Africa's premier free email service - www.webmail.co.za > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ > For super low premiums, click here http://home.webmail.co.za/dd.pwm > > -- > You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups > "DarkAndDirty" group. > To post to this group, send email to [email protected]. > To unsubscribe from this group, send email to > [email protected]<darkanddirty%[email protected]> > . > For more options, visit this group at > http://groups.google.com/group/darkanddirty?hl=en. > > > -- Kind regards, Roberto Ambrosio -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "DarkAndDirty" group. 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