** Dark and Dirty Ride Report 20 May 2010: Rock and Roll. **

The day started like any other.



My alarm clock woke me at 03h35.



And at 03h38.



And at 03h45.



I did what any normal human being does at that point. I got up, switched off
the house alarm, and went to my study and started working on the messaging
application.



Since I’m not normal, MY normal actions would be to continue sleeping after
briefly rationalising why I don’t really have to get up and work yet.



Which brings me to the real reason for joining the D&D crowd for a Rock and
Roll ride.



Once again I found myself having had several consecutive excuses and reasons
for not riding, and weeks quickly turn into months. This not only affected
my nightly activities on Thursdays, but also my lethargic attitude to
Saturday mornings and life in general.



I realised that I needed a kickstart. Or a kick in the … uhm … somewhere to
get me going again. There.



What better than a tough, fun, Rock and Roll Dark and Dirty ride?



So after my 07h30 meeting at home (to demo the work I did from 04h00), I got
on my current ride of choice (two wheeled yes, but sadly not human powered)
with my squash kit in my backpack for my 16h30 game.



Work was more fun than usual, with me having made the move to being a “Java
developer”. Which means that I have to ask questions like “how do you deploy
this” and “how do you change that value in the report” and “why did
everything crash again”?



The squash date never realised due to my colleagues’ chronic sinus problems,
so I got home early enough to be able to wash off the Parys 24 hour race mud
(from 3 weeks ago) and wash and sterilise the bladder (that hadn’t been used
in probably 6 weeks)



At the Moo Mall I entered following this Colt double cab that I would
recognise anywhere… YAY Dirt Rider is also here!



Hooting at Dirt Rider for turning and not using his indicator had the
desired effect: a lot of waving arms and finger language saying sorry or
something … hmmm.



So as we got out Daemon also arrived (he was a doubtful started what with
being married and all…) and he gave me the long promised carbon look-alike
stem for my GT. I thought after almost 7 years it’s about time to change the
stem. Brakes are next
(www.ChainReactionCycles.com<http://www.chainreactioncycles.com/>here
I come!). Thanks Werner … I’ll try not to break it…



Now being in the poor fitness state I’m in, I volunteered early on in the
day to sweep. The reasoning behind that is at least three-fold: (1) I can’t
chicken out of the ride because I’ve got a job to do (2) I get to ride at
the back where I would be anyway and (3) I get to ride at the back and do
stupid things and huff and puff on my own where no-one can see or hear or
smell me.



The ride started with Oupa Gert welcoming one D&D newbie (dragged along by
Mark, one of my Parys 24h team mates), and announcing that the ride will be
tough.



The ride went like any other.



Pretty lights in the veld, bushes scratching legs and arms, tight turns
taken too quickly, wheels sliding out and making dust, sporadic radio
confirmations that the sweeper is still with the groups, accompanied by
obligatory “whoop-whoops” (otherwise QT will klap us or tell Hardy to…).



Up to the top of the asteroid belt was rather uneventful.



Getting the start of Vetseun was not so easy. Overgrown bushes and
overoptimistic memory from our leader accounted for the group splitting up
into three grouplets and people trying their own lines with varied amounts
of lack of success. Some hike-a-bike ensued, DOWNHILL.



We eventually found Vetseun’s trail, but the awesome rain we’ve had the
trail is well-washed-out and the front wheel got stuck too many times to
mention, surely causing close calls for many riders. Wheeeee!!



I think it was here somewhere, on the way back to Nellmapius that Dirt
Rider’s experiment with controlling gravity failed. I followed him down a
rocky, steep trail when he suddenly earned the hypothetical right to write
the ride report by performing a fluent manoeuvre that would make a 14 year
old Russian gymnast cry. I first saw the back of Dirt Rider’s custom
Morewood bump up into air, then his bum went even higher, then his feet went
even higher, then I got blinded by his light that was now pointing back to
me somehow.



Then everything went dark.



Well, my light was still working, but in comparison, it went dark.



A minute later, DR’s light was re-cabled, and we went on our merry way to
catch the group again.



Next up was getting to the bottom of Nellmapius, and back up via the bumpy
awesome trail next to it, to get us to the start of the Cornwall Hill
Downhill R.U.S.H.



Of late, the RUSH didn’t live up to its name, with the dirt road having
received attention from some earth moving equipment.



However the rains, once again, brought change.



No more powdery dust and covered holes.



Just lots of gravel and holes and rocks.



Sorry Adri-Ferrari for suggesting THAT line, but at least you stopped before
the barbed wire proved that your blood was blue…



Adri and I cautiously followed the trail to the bottom amid talks of collar
bones and shoulder blades…



The RUSH is BACK. It’s GNARLY again!



So we crossed the tar, did a speed zone taking the sho’t left up that climb,
found the light at the top of the hill (1.3km according to Nico, feels more
like 5 miles…), found the dust at the bottom of the next one, and cruised
back up to the billboard.



On the way to the billboard, I had some cool fun in the way of me chatting
with Mark and not looking where I was riding (I tend to do that) and managed
to hit one of the only water-filled holes in the trail full-on.



Somehow my front wheel emerged on the other side, but the damage was done.



My left foot (remember that movie?) was evidently at the bottom of its pedal
stroke when I hit the water since I was completely dry except for a
completely soaked left shoe and, consequently, sock and foot. Brrrrr. My
foot only thawed again after the Milo in the Spur, hours later.



We continued up to the billboard (that’s gone now I think) and went down the
other side, next to the highway, where earth moving things made it
impossible to ride down from the bridge, to we couldn’t ogle at Oupa Gert
doing funny things NOT FALLING down there again…



We finally got down, went up to St George’s hotel, went up THAT climb (by
now my lack of fitness turned into a serious lack of speed) and I swept
no-one in particular a couple of hundred metres behind the group.



Finally at THAT top, we hit Smuts downhill, which also changed. Very
powdery, having been under the knife of earth moving equipment as well. I
didn’t trust it and took it easy.



The Quad buster waited for us (shortly after all the other people waited for
ME) and about a third up the climb one chap with the Commençal had an issue
with his pedal. I really appreciated the rest, and shortly thereafter, Mark
waited for me AGAIN.



At the top we cruised around to the Python.



Mumbling to myself I took the lead (he who will be last, will be first, and
all) and gunned it (well more like an old lady with a walking thing would
gun it) down the single track. At least I got to entertain Nico on my tail
by hitting my left pedal hard on THE RED ROCK and creating some pretty
sparks.



At least no-one overtook me getting to the top, but I think they were too
busy chatting and looking around…



So the tour-de-tar started past Smuts House, and at the back Daemon,
Adri-Ferrari and I cruised along fine (well behind the group that all took
part in the “tour” when we heard a disconcerting rustle in the bushes. Two
suspicious individuals were noticed getting up but we didn’t stick around to
ask them what they were getting up for. Or what they were up to, even.



One radio call later Oupa Gert was back with us and we hit Nellmapius again,
time having caught up with us …



We just cruised back to the Moo Mall, and amazingly found the Spur to still
serve food and drink, at 22h30, after around 31km of pure wowness.



Thank you all…



Now, sadly, I must send this along through cyberspace and prepare to attend
the memorial service of our friend and D&D and AR buddy Hans Wolvaardt who
passed away last week due to the Liberian air disaster.



Yours truly,



The not-always-so-honorable,



DeeKayotic.

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