Package: kcollectd
Version: 0.9-2+b1
Back in 2011, Michael Prokop <[email protected]> wrote:
> The package description says:
>
> ,---- [ % apt-cache show kcollectd ]
> | Description: simple collectd graphing frontend for KDE
> | Kcollectd is a graphical KDE-frontend to collectd that allows to view
> | RRD files that have been created by collectd. It allows to easily
> | navigate in the data with the mouse and can be used as a chart recorder.
> `----
>
> I don't see how I can use kcollectd with rrd files that aren't the
> ones created by collectd on the host where kcollectd is running. The
> package description is misleading for me therefore (since "RRD files
> that have been created by collectd" doesn't seem to be the whole truth).
I don't quite understand how you find that particular ambiguity in
this package description (it says nothing about data from remote
hosts), but it *is* badly in need of a rewrite. Here's my review and
suggested patch.
# Description: simple collectd graphing frontend for KDE
I only have one, distinctly nitpicky criticism for this synopsis:
"frontend" is developerese. I would suggest "front-end" (and even
that's a compromise: the dictionaries say it's "front end").
# Kcollectd is a graphical KDE-frontend to collectd that allows to view
* The same nitpick again: s/frontend/front-end/.
* But using the word again is repetitive.
* And "KDE-frontend" isn't entitled to a hyphen.
* And if it's a KDE frontend for graphing things, that already makes
it fairly obvious that it's graphical.
* And if it's called kcollectd and (you go on to mention in the same
sentence) it's for viewing the output of collectd, it's fairly
obvious that collectd is what it's a front-end to.
* On the other hand, it would be useful to have some passing mention
of what collectd *is*.
* And to top it all off, it's that old classic, objectless "allow".
http://www.xibalba.demon.co.uk/jbr/linux/esl.html#b1
(Oh, I now notice you've *also* had a bug report for this, but the
patch provided for #687354 is distinctly robotic-sounding English.)
# RRD files that have been created by collectd. It allows to easily
* "Have been created" is Deutschlish; you just need a plain passive
(in fact idiomatic native-speaker English would probably reduce the
relative clause to "RRD files created by collectd").
* "Allows to" twice in the same package description! DISALLOWED!
# navigate in the data with the mouse and can be used as a chart recorder.
* "In the data with the mouse" is... awkward. It sounds as if
there's a mouse in the data.
* It can't be used as a "chart recorder" in the sense of recording
physical strip-charts; this claim probably needs to be reduced to
"can be used as a virtual chart recorder". Unless of course it
means that it can output to a chart recorder? (Apparently not.)
Stealing a couple of words from the homepage and the manual, I would
suggest:
| Description: simple collectd graphing front-end for KDE
| This package provides a basic KDE application for viewing RRD files
| created by collectd, the system statistics storage daemon. It allows
| easy mouse-driven navigation through data collections and can be used
| as a virtual chart recorder.
--
JBR with qualifications in linguistics, experience as a Debian
sysadmin, and probably no clue about this particular package
diff -ru kcollectd-0.9.pristine/debian/control kcollectd-0.9/debian/control
--- kcollectd-0.9.pristine/debian/control 2012-12-15 14:44:23.000000000 +0000
+++ kcollectd-0.9/debian/control 2012-12-15 15:41:59.563049107 +0000
@@ -10,7 +10,8 @@
Architecture: any
Depends: ${shlibs:Depends}, ${misc:Depends}, collectd
Suggests: khelpcenter4
-Description: simple collectd graphing frontend for KDE
- Kcollectd is a graphical KDE-frontend to collectd that allows to view
- RRD files that have been created by collectd. It allows to easily
- navigate in the data with the mouse and can be used as a chart recorder.
+Description: simple collectd graphing front-end for KDE
+ This package provides a basic KDE application for viewing RRD files
+ created by collectd, the system statistics storage daemon. It allows
+ easy mouse-driven navigation through data collections and can be used
+ as a virtual chart recorder.
