Josh Triplett <[email protected]> writes: > If you have to have your "guard up" to avoid hurting people, you have a > more fundamental problem.
> It really *isn't* that hard to just think about the effect of your words > on others *all the time*. As Russ said, that's a fundamental skill. Eh... I do think that goes a little far. It *is* a fundamental life skill, but there are a lot of fundamental life skills that come harder for some people than others. For example, the absolute fastest way to make me miserable is to put me in a situation where I need to make verbal small-talk with strangers. In writing, absolutely, I can do that all day. In person, I run out of social energy *really fast*. I also consider this a fundamental life skill, and I've gotten better at it, but I am in no way good at it, and am usually still feeling awkward about mistakes I made in some conversation five years ago. My point in those messages was poorly expressed, particularly at first. It's not to argue that this is *easy* for everyone, just that this is something we do all have to do. For some people it's harder than it is for others, and if someone is trying and working on it and apologizing when they don't do it well, I'll extend them the benefit of the doubt all day long. Where I start drawing boundaries is when that transitions into not even making an attempt, or arguing that one should get to say whatever pops into one's head because free speech and the responsibility for filtering is entirely on the listener. That just doesn't fly in any human community I want to be part of. In other words, intention matters a lot to me. If someone is trying but it doesn't come naturally, that's one thing; if someone is being intentionally provocative and sniping at people because they think it's enjoyable or funny (and I grew up on-line on Usenet; I've met a *lot* of those people), well, surprise, people don't put up with that shit nearly as long as they used to, and that's a *good* thing. -- Russ Allbery ([email protected]) <http://www.eyrie.org/~eagle/>
