[ http://issues.apache.org/jira/browse/DERBY-1394?page=comments#action_12417002 ]
Stan Bradbury commented on DERBY-1394: -------------------------------------- These changes look great. The section reads very smoothly. Thanks again for the good work. I didn't apply these changes to my local codeline copy but will wait for you to commit them and update my copy from the repository. Thanks for the reference to the Owl English site at Purdue - I am finding it very useful. > Working With Derby - Introduction and prerequisites - Improvements > ------------------------------------------------------------------ > > Key: DERBY-1394 > URL: http://issues.apache.org/jira/browse/DERBY-1394 > Project: Derby > Type: Improvement > Components: Documentation > Versions: 10.2.0.0 > Environment: DITA-sourced documentation > Reporter: Halley Pacheco de Oliveira > Priority: Minor > Fix For: 10.2.0.0 > Attachments: twwdIntro.diff, twwdIntro.diff.html, twwdIntro.html, > twwdIntro_2.diff, twwdIntro_2.diff.html, twwdIntro_2.html, twwdIntro_3.diff, > twwdIntro_3.diff.html, twwdIntro_3.html > > 1) There is a gramatical error: > It's written "sections" and not "section": > "In way of introduction this sections provides a brief description of Derby." > and should be, in my opinion: > "In way of introduction this section provides a brief description of Derby." > 2) DERBY_HOME > It's written: > "Note the filesystem path to the Derby installation (referred to as > DERBY_HOME)." > but DERBY_HOME doesn't appear anywhere else in this page, so it is not > possible > to note it in this page. It only appears in the activities pages. By this > reason, > in my opinion, the sentence should be: > "Note the filesystem path to the Derby installation (referred to as > DERBY_HOME) in the activities sections." > 3) Commas could be used to make some sentences shorter: > === > - "Derby is a full featured, open source relational database engine that is > written and implemented completely in Java." > into > + "Derby is a full featured, open source, relational database engine, that is > written and implemented completely in Java." > === > - "It provides users with a small footprint, standards-based Java database > that can be tightly embedded into any Java based solution." > into > + "It provides users with a small footprint, standards-based, Java database, > that can be tightly embedded into any Java based solution." > === > - "In it's default configuration there is no separate database server to be > installed or maintained by the end user." > into > + "In it's default configuration, there is no separate database server to be > installed or maintained by the end user." > === > - "This document demonstrates but does not teach the Java, JDBC and SQL > presented so readers wishing a deeper understanding of these topics will need > additional reference materials." > into > + "This document demonstrates, but does not teach, the Java, JDBC and SQL > presented, so readers wishing a deeper understanding of these topics will > need additional reference materials. > === > - "If unsure about the Java or Derby environments installed perform the > following steps before attempting the subsequent activities:" > into > + "If unsure about the Java or Derby environments installed, perform the > following steps before attempting the subsequent activities:" > === > - "The output you see may be different from what is shown here because the > java -version command outputs vendor-specific information." > into > + "The output you see may be different from what is shown here, because the > java -version command outputs vendor-specific information." > === > - "If the command produced an error or the version listed is not 1.3 or > higher please install a Java development kit before continuing." > into > + "If the command produced an error or the version listed is not 1.3 or > higher, please install a Java development kit before continuing." > === > - "From the Downloads page use the link to the 'Latest Official Release' then > locate the bin distribution (e.g. db-derby-10.2.0-bin). Download the file and > unbundle the release." > into > + "From the Download page use the link to the 'Latest Official Release', then > locate the bin distribution (e.g. db-derby-10.2.0-bin). Download the file and > unbundle the release." > 4) Download the file and unbundle the release. > Is is not easy to understand what this sentence means. There are two files > for the binary distribution: -bin.zip and -bin.tar.gz > So the previous sentence could be changed to: > "From the Download page use the link to the 'Latest Official Release', then > locate the bin distribution (e.g. db-derby-10.1.2.1-bin.zip and > db-derby-10.1.2.1-bin.tar.gz). Download the appropriate file for your > platform, '-bin.zip' for Windows or '-bin.tar.gz' for Unix/Linux", and > unzip/untar this file. After decompressing the downloaded file, move the > directory created to the filesystem path choosed to be the root directory of > the Derby installation (e.g., move db-derby-10.1.2.1-bin C:\Derby) -- This message is automatically generated by JIRA. - If you think it was sent incorrectly contact one of the administrators: http://issues.apache.org/jira/secure/Administrators.jspa - For more information on JIRA, see: http://www.atlassian.com/software/jira
