I have an N56VZ laptop. I run Arch-linux and have the same problem.
Booting into Windows 7 or Windows 8 does make the fan quiet, but it does
not load the battery (either it say it does not find it or that it is
there, but not loading). As mentioned above, it helps to shut down the
ismputer, remove the battery and then insert it againg.

I guress this is more an ASUS bug than a Linux, since it does not Work
in Windows either.

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https://bugs.launchpad.net/bugs/1088146

Title:
  Asus n56vz battery state is wrong or battery not charging at all.

Status in “upower” package in Ubuntu:
  Confirmed

Bug description:
  I have an ASUS N56VZ notebook. There are some bugs I have mentioned and they 
are known on ubuntu forums.
  Sometimes I am getting strange results in battery power state, that are not 
even close to be accurate.
  So bugs are:
  1) Then I am turning on the notebok with not enough power (3% for example) 
the fan is going to it`s full speed (no CPU loading at all) and the power 
indicator shows that power is insufficient. Plugging the power adapter didn`t 
solved the problem - it was not charging and notebook soon turns off. 
  2) As I described above, I can`t feed the notebook sometimes (especially on 
low battery level).
  3) I am getting the strange battery state result: sometimes it looks, that 
it`s charging very slow. Am am working about a hour and my power level just 
rised from 30 minutes to 40 minutes.
  4) I am not sure about this bug, may be it`s a hardware one, but then I 
turned notebook off with plugged in power adapter, it was not charged at all 
for the whole night! 
  http://ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?t=2084696 - here is a proof, that I am 
not alone )))

  ProblemType: Bug
  DistroRelease: Ubuntu 12.10
  Package: upower 0.9.17-1build1
  ProcVersionSignature: Ubuntu 3.5.0-19.30-generic 3.5.7
  Uname: Linux 3.5.0-19-generic x86_64
  ApportVersion: 2.6.1-0ubuntu6
  Architecture: amd64
  Date: Sun Dec  9 13:18:17 2012
  ExecutablePath: /usr/lib/upower/upowerd
  InstallationDate: Installed on 2012-11-30 (8 days ago)
  InstallationMedia: Ubuntu 12.10 "Quantal Quetzal" - Release amd64 (20121017.5)
  MarkForUpload: True
  ProcEnviron:
   
  SourcePackage: upower
  UpgradeStatus: No upgrade log present (probably fresh install)

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