> My general impression is there are too many words even ignoring the last > paragraphs which I'm guessing are required by Apache. I did a word count after removing the "futures" information & the length of the document is a concern. There are still about 650 words. Best practices states that 400 - 500 is optimal.
> My personal opinion is that this kind of press release needs to grab the > reader's attention in the first few sentences or it will get deleted before > it completely read. Considering the vicious attack on Flash by Steve Jobs and the huge quantity of negative press surrounding the Nov 2011 announcement and subsequent communications, this release will get some attention if only by the troll reporters who want to bash Flex again because they are AppleFanBoys. The negative press in this case will *not* be a bad thing because we are releasing software that advances what the innovative company, Adobe did. (using lots and lots of Adobe's help and resources) lol! The writers who cover this area will certainly shorten our submission down to fit their need. So, "too long" isn't terrible & most writers use a filter to grab certain keywords & only read the content that contains words they are looking for. If this goes out during a slow news week, we may even get some reporters who wish to do a feature story. This would be a fantastic result if it happens. > The first sentence isn't a complete sentence. Additionally, given we want to > advertise Apache I don't think the first sentence should contain Adobe and > have no mention of Apache. I added you as an editor to the document. This may be required - IDK. Please edit if you wish. If not, I will make your changes. > The futures paragraph seems out of place to me or maybe it is just because > the writing style is different than the rest of the document. I'm on the fence on this one. Is Carol right or does this "futures" content add something to the release? > Since the press release is from Denver, internationalisation should be > spelled in American English. If left in its present form there are other > sentences that need cleaning up as well. I left the proper English in the document to ensure I got some feedback. Good catch! I will take it out & then get direction from the ASF VP of media & publicity on where ASF PR originates. I live in Denver, so, I guessed....
