Hi Robert,

Thanks for pointing out some of the errors in the text.  I have made the
proper corrections.

I also added the spacing between each paragraph.  As an FYI for users, in
order to add the spacing when you are customizing the message, add a hard
return at the beginning of the paragraph and then a blank space on that line
so that it can recognize that there is a blank line there.

Regarding the spacing between the whois data - at the moment, this is how it
appears in our database, but I will request some changes in order to display
it more nicely in the message.  I will also explore the removal of the
billing contact, domain status, "Record last updated", and nameserver IP
addresses

The manage link is in a customizable section so it can be removed from any
resellers who do not want/have this facility.

Thanks,
Greg Frank
Associate Product Manager, TLD's
Tucows Inc.
416 535 0123 x1282


-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Behalf Of Robert L Mathews
Sent: Tuesday, October 12, 2004 2:38 PM
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: WHOIS Data Reminder Messages Proofreading


It's WHOIS Data Reminder template time again, and that must mean it's
time for me to do copy-editing. Yay!

Here is a copy of the default message each domain owner will receive if
the reseller doesn't adjust any templates:

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Valued Customer,
ICANN, the organization responsible for the stability of the Internet,
requires that each domain name registrant be given the opportunity to
correct any inaccurate contact data (WHOIS data) associated with a domain
name registration. Our records for your domain are as follows:
example.com
Registrant:
John Smith
Company Name
123 Any Street
Anytown, AN 12345
US

Domain name: EXAMPLE.COM

Administrative Contact:
John Smith  [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Company Name
123 Any Street
Anytown, AN 12345
US
+1.1234567890
Technical Contact:
John Smith  [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Company Name
123 Any Street
Anytown, AN 12345
US
+1.1234567890
Billing Contact:
John Smith  [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Company Name
123 Any Street
Anytown, AN 12345
US
+1.1234567890

Registration Service Provider:
ResellerCo, Inc.
(123) 456-7890
http://www.resellerco.tld/
ResellerCo is the world's greatest reseller! Visit our Web site
for domains priced below cost!


Record last updated on 24-Aug-2004.
Record expires on 07-Mar-2005.
Record created on 07-Mar-2000.

Domain servers in listed order:
NS1.EXAMPLE.COM    10.1.2.3
NS2.EXAMPLE.COM    10.4.5.6


Domain status:
REGISTRAR-LOCK


To review and update your WHOIS contact information, please log into
our management interface at: /manage
If any of the information above is inaccurate, you should correct it.
If all of the information above is accurate, you do not need to take any
action.
Please remember that under the terms of your registration agreement,
the provision of false WHOIS information can be grounds for cancellation
of your domain name registration
If you have any questions or comments regarding ICAAN's policy, please
contact them directly at [EMAIL PROTECTED]

Thanks you for your attention.

Best regards,
ResellerCo
NOTE: Please do NOT reply to this message.  This is an outgoing message
only.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's just say that if I got that from a company, I would not be
particularly impressed at their attention to detail.

Here are several fixes:

1. There is a missing period at the end of "Please remember that under
the terms of your registration agreement, the provision of false WHOIS
information can be grounds for cancellation of your domain name
registration".

2. There should be blank line spacing between the various contact types,
otherwise they're almost unreadable. Other minor formatting changes would
also help. For example, this:

Administrative Contact:
John Smith  [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Company Name
123 Any Street
Anytown, AN 12345
US
+1.1234567890
Technical Contact:
John Smith  [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Company Name
123 Any Street
Anytown, AN 12345
US
+1.1234567890

Could be more like this (line spacing, plus a little indenting and
capitalization added):

  ADMINISTRATIVE CONTACT
    John Smith  [EMAIL PROTECTED]
    Company Name
    123 Any Street
    Anytown, AN 12345
    US
    +1.1234567890

  TECHNICAL CONTACT
    John Smith  [EMAIL PROTECTED]
    Company Name
    123 Any Street
    Anytown, AN 12345
    US
    +1.1234567890

Again, this problem can't be fixed by a reseller changing the templates.
(Maybe I got carried away with the capitalization and indenting, but at
least blank lines are absolutely necessary.)

3. Same problem at the top, with domain name and registrant. This:

example.com
Registrant:
John Smith
Company Name
123 Any Street
Anytown, AN 12345
US

Could be:

  DOMAIN NAME
    example.com

  REGISTRANT
    John Smith
    Company Name
    123 Any Street
    Anytown, AN 12345
    US

4. The domain name mysteriously appears a second time, underneath the
registrant. It should only be in there once.

Those are the minimum number of things that should be fixed to make the
message readable, which I can't alter even if I change the templates.
Another thing that should be done that I can't fix myself is:

5. The billing contact, domain status, "Record last updated", and
nameserver IP addresses are not required by ICANN, and can/should be
removed for clarity.

If we continue into default template text, which I personally don't care
about but others will, because millions of messages will be sent using it:

6. Putting the default manage interface URL into the message doesn't
work, because many resellers, like me, probably haven't changed it. If
so, the message will say: "To review and update your WHOIS contact
information, please log into our management interface at: /manage".

The URL should only be included if the reseller has set it to something
other than the default.

7. In "If you have any questions or comments regarding ICAAN's policy",
"ICANN" is spelled incorrectly, unless I'm misunderstanding and the WDRP
is actually required by the Indiana Canine Assistant & Adolescent Network.

8. "Thanks you for your attention" should be "Thank you", not "Thanks
you".

9. The default paragraphs need carriage returns at the end to make them
have line spacing.

If these changes were made, the messages by default could read:

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Valued Customer,

ICANN, the organization responsible for the stability of the Internet,
requires that each domain name registrant be given the opportunity to
correct any inaccurate contact data (WHOIS data) associated with a domain
name registration. Our records for your domain are as follows:

  DOMAIN NAME
    example.com

  REGISTRANT
    John Smith
    Company Name
    123 Any Street
    Anytown, AN 12345
    US

  ADMINISTRATIVE CONTACT
    John Smith  [EMAIL PROTECTED]
    Company Name
    123 Any Street
    Anytown, AN 12345
    US
    +1.1234567890

  TECHNICAL CONTACT
    John Smith  [EMAIL PROTECTED]
    Company Name
    123 Any Street
    Anytown, AN 12345
    US
    +1.1234567890

  REGISTRATION SERVICE PROVIDER
    ResellerCo, Inc.
    (123) 456-7890
    http://www.resellerco.tld/
    ResellerCo is the world's greatest reseller! Visit our Web site
    for domains priced below cost!

  DOMAIN NAME EXPIRATION DATE
    07-Mar-2005

  DOMAIN NAME CREATION DATE
    07-Mar-2000

  DOMAIN NAME SERVERS
    ns1.example.com
    ns2.example.com

To review and update your WHOIS contact information, please log into
our management interface from our home page.

If any of the information above is inaccurate, you should correct it.
If all of the information above is accurate, you do not need to take any
action.

Please remember that under the terms of your registration agreement,
the provision of false WHOIS information can be grounds for cancellation
of your domain name registration.

If you have any questions or comments regarding ICANN's policy, please
contact them directly at [EMAIL PROTECTED]

Thank you for your attention.

Best regards,
ResellerCo

NOTE: Please do NOT reply to this message. This is an outgoing message
only.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It still isn't fantastic, but it's much better.

Tucows, can you please fix at least the major problems pointed out here
before sending any of these messages? I'm a little disappointed that this
message text, intended to be sent to *millions of people*, clearly had
little thought or review given to the content (and this is hardly the
first time I've complained about this sort of thing).

This stuff is *important*; getting it wrong makes resellers look bad.

Thanks!

--
Robert L Mathews, Tiger Technologies    http://www.tigertech.net/

    "Perhaps these things don't matter any more. What do I
     know about the way people live now?!"   -- Trollope

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