15 THINGS TO DO AT WALMART WHILE YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER/PARTNER IS TAKING THEIR SWEET TIME:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they're not looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in the housewares department to go off in 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restroom.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "Code three in housewares" and see what happens.
5. Go to the service desk and ask to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-away.
6. Move a "Caution-Wet Floor" sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other customers you'll only let themi in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks you if they can help you - began to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into a camera and pretend it's a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling a gun in the hunting department ask a clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are kept.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the music from "Mission Impossible".
12. In the auto department practice your best Madonna look using different sized funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through say, "Pick me, Pick me".
14. When the announcement comes over the loudspeaker assume the fetal position and scream "No! No! It's those voices again".
15. Go into the fitting rooms and yell real loud, "hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"
