Hi
guys,
I don't usually post
to the list if it isn't Doobie-related, but I thought this may give some of
you a chuckle!
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America, In
the light of your
failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will
resume monarchial
duties over all states, commonwealths and other
territories. Except Utah,
which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister
(The rt. hon. Tony Blair,
MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been
unaware that there is a
world outside your borders) will appoint a minister
for America without the
need for further elections. Congress and the Senate
will be disbanded. A
questionnaire will be circulated next year to
determine whether any of you
noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown
Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford
English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide.
You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
Generally, you should raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
"vocabulary". Using the same
twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as "like" and "you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. Look up
"interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will
let Microsoft know on
your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and
Australian accents. It
really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast
English actors as the
good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national
anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would
not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football".
There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football"
is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a
world outside your borders
may have noticed that no one else plays "American"
football. You
will no longer be allowed to play it, and should
instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played
with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play
rugby (which is similar to American "football", but
does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing
full kevlar body armour
like nancies). We are hoping to get together at
least a US rugby sevens
side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France,
using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were
not aware that there is
a world outside your borders should count
yourselves lucky. The Russians
have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for
"sh*t".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November
8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be
called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are
crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will
understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been
driving us crazy.
It's all in good
fun!
Have a nice day
y'all!
Brian
