-------------- BEGIN dream-flow.v001.n328 --------------
001 - "Wilkerson, Richard" <rcw - the man I don't know yet
002 - "Wilkerson, Richard" <rcw - uncertain goodbye
Electric Dreams: Dream Flow
A fountain of dreams in Cyberspace
--------------- MESSAGE dream-flow.v001.n328.1 ---------------
From: "Wilkerson, Richard" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Subject: the man I don't know yet
Date: Tue, 20 Jun 2000 08:05:41 -0700
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed
Dream Title the man I don't know yet / Deborah
Date of Dream 20/21.6.00
Dream I meet the men a like a lot (wich i don't know yet
in the reality and I don't know anything about him)with a women, tey hold
each other the hand, and watching at his hand I see his marriage ring. But
still if he is with her he turns and watch at me as usual.
Comments by Dreamer
Permission to Comment yes_share_comments
Permission Comments
--------------- MESSAGE dream-flow.v001.n328.2 ---------------
From: "Wilkerson, Richard" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Subject: uncertain goodbye
Date: Tue, 20 Jun 2000 11:02:36 -0700
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed
Note: Stan requests that his email and name be left with the dream
DATE : 20 jun 2000 10:56
DREAM : uncertain goodbye
=( i had some trouble getting to sleep last night. mom and i watched video
until 02:00. she had asked for the oldest movie i had, the oldest i could
find was douglas fairbanks (1924) _thief of bagdad_, a silent
film. earlier in the evening i had run _flashdance_, jennifer beals always
reminds me of sherry, a former girl friend. i read until 03:30, a fantasy
novel about magic generated by drawing patterned topography like celtic
knots. i tried to sleep, but could not. around 04:30 i turned on the
light and read some more. 05:55 i finally put down the novel and got to
sleep, the midsummer sun already up early. )=
i start to reach for the door to knock upon it, but i hesitate. inside i
can hear lisa going about her business, but i hold my hand in suspension,
not wanting to announce my presence.
i turn my back and lean against the cold white brick wall beside her
door. her apartment opens out into an intersection of large hallways,
daylight streams in from long windows just down from the ceiling along the
halls. it has been three days since i have seen her. three days in which
i could have called her, but strangely i did not. i came by those several
days ago to tell her goodbye, but she was not at home when i called. our
relationship, if it can be called that, consisted of only three dates: all
of them satisfactory, pleasant affairs. even the sex after the last two
was good-- not great, but good enough to contain hope for more. that is
why i am puzzled about this. why am i calling it off? this uncertainty
has kept me for three days now not calling her. was i left unsatisfied in
some way that i am barely aware of?
since i can not tell myself what is wrong here, i can not explain it to her
either. i lean my head back against the hard stone wall. i know that the
green and black stripes on the shoulder of my white sweater can be seen
inside from the vertical window slit in the door. i hear the door click as
lisa opens it.
"why, stan, i am glad you are here." lisa says as she steps outside. she
does not inquire as to why i am just standing there and did not knock. "i
do not think we should see each other anymore. the last time you were
here, i did not answer the door when you knocked. i can not say why but i
felt some sadness, or distance then, so i did not come to the door."
i look at her. her eyes are downcast, barely visible through the long
blonde hair she uses to hide them. her face is gentle and kind, but i can
tell she has no real feeling in this just now. it is cool rationality
speaking.
"if i did not answer then, something is wrong and i know it. i just can
not say exactly what it is." she looks away, the dismissal final
now. what is wrong with me? this is the easy way, lisa anticipating what
i came to say. surely that would resolve any residual guilt i feel about a
failed attempt at romance. but now i wonder. it seems her previous
reluctance to answer the door may have been an avoidance of this very
separation i was there to pronounce. i spent the last three days not
calling her in doubt of myself.
"i understand." i say to her. "it is alright." i take the easy way out
with just acceptance but not concurrence. i sigh once to myself. it is
decided then.
"there you are, stan." my lab partner, roger hixson, comes up from down
the hall. "i have the experiment set up and ready to run." we are engaged
in some physics experiments in a laboratory on the other side of the building.
"goodbye, then." she tells me. with a sad look, lisa gives me a long kiss
of farewell, her hands cradling my face for the last time. i savor the
feelings inside me, the uncertainty now even greater. i do not hug her,
just lean against the wall as i have been all along. to take her in my
arms would just increase the contact and make the parting more
difficult. but her kiss is sweet, and my heart is stung more than i want
to say, and i just have to learn to accept that this was not meant to be.
lisa goes inside and closes the door. i walk away past roger who appears
to be thunderstruck. he is blushing red around the collar as he often
does. when we get back to the lab where he has the wires and pulleys
strung up for the measurement of pendulum inertia and the transfer of
kinetic moment. roger starts in with a rapid fire of questions-- "who was
that?" "why didn't you introduce me?" "what a fine looking woman." "how
do you know her so well?" and so on. when roger gets flustered, he is
straight forward with the questions.
"do you know who she reminds me of?" i ask rhetorically, not waiting for a
reply. "did you ever meet sandy, the woman don hatcher married? she is
rather similar to her." don and sandy got along well afterall.
=( i awake 10:45, feeling still a little tired but not able to go back to
sleep. besides, i have been hoping for dream for a week or two without any
that i could write into the log files. the lisa here was lisa railey who i
met when i got here to pensacola. i believe we were attracted to each
other, at least i was to her, but she had just taken up with the man she
eventually married, so the timing of my meeting her did not work. roger
hixson is a friend i knew in high school. i do not think we were ever lab
partners, and the experiment set up is more like the intro physics in
college. don hatcher was my lab partner all through undergrad biology. he
met his wife, sandy, there. long evenings we spent across the lab room
from her, counting etherized fruit flies in petri dishes, don telling me
how much he wanted to ask her out. eventually he did. )=
. [EMAIL PROTECTED]
=== qui non est hodie cras minus aptus erit
| | who not is today, tomorrow less suitable will be
--- -- Ovid _Remedia Amoris_ i 94
--------------- END dream-flow.v001.n328 ---------------
dream-flow is for the sharing of dreams
Courtesy of DreamGate www.dreamgate.com
