Jessica wrote:
>On a daily basis I notice that there is a lack of "sisterhood" among
>women. This lack of "sisterhood" makes it difficult for me to make
>friends with other women, feel as an equal with other women or feel as
>though I have support just by being a women. Maybe this is a rare
>experience, but my intellect tells me that it is a general condition. Why
>do women have this experience? Why, when I walk into a public place do I
>feel disconnected and estranged from the women who surround me? Is it the
>way they look me up and down and not in the eye. Is it their careful
>consideration of my attractiveness and any perceived threat they
>therefore attach to me. Is it this perceived threat that keeps women at a
>distance from one another? Or is it that women find it hard to value
>other women because of their own insecurities?
I propose that its not either/or but both. I know lots of women and good
friends among them. But I do know that women are very competitive for the
attentions of men and bristle somewhat when other women approach in this
context. This applies to the workplace where sexual competiton operates in
addition for competition for position and perks. I saw two women at one
office who squabbled for a year over an office chair. Some other women I've
worked with resented anyone of us getting ahead or finding a boyfriend and
bitched endlessly whenever it occured. I know that men do this too, but
there is an especially vicious quality to the female brand. I think
insecurties is the biggest reason for such behavior, but even normally
confident woemn flip out when men enter the picture--dweebs and jerks
exempted of coarse.
Men seem to really like each other. There may be competition over on of us
or a job, but it seldom takes on that meanness or state of anxiety that
afflicts us. They team up. They support each other. A lot think joining the
army is great, like my brother. They may get mad, but seem to soon put it
aside. They play together win or lose. For hours. Maybe it's that ability
to not take everything seriously in the heavy sense.
>>From another dimension I have also viewed this phenomenon. Do men have
>a similar experience and therefore could this phenomenon be a general
>human condition? Do men feel disconnected, competitive or otherwise
>estranged from one another? My suspicions tell me no.
I agree. They don't feel disconected at all for the most part. I envy the
way they make friends so easily.
>Men have a great blessing in that they are "accepted" because of what they
>are. This does
>not mean that they are unfailable, it only means that men have a support
>system, a "club" to belong to even if they are failures. Failure may make
>someone socially less appealing but, men still belong to that "club".
>Why do men have a club and women do not? Well, as you are all conscious and
>educated, you know that we live in a masculine society. In a masculine
>society, anything masculine is elevated. Anything not
>masculine therefore exists somewhere beneath masculinity.
I think its deeper than that. It's beyond "society". Maybe it's somethin to
do with facing death or hardship together, even potentially. Look at the
ones who join somethign and stick at for years or forever, like the
Legion. There's something they share without even being aware of it.
>Hurray for men they have created this network, this club where masculine is
>superior.
Do you really think they see it as superior? I think it just "is". Its us
thats making the superior/inferior judgement. I don't think they are aware
of it. Their in it for the camraderie even when they say its just to make
contacts. It comes natural to them it seems. That's what makes it so
robust.
>And, what have women been doing in the mean time? With much
>struggling women are beginning to reunite, build feminine
>networks, and feel a great strength rising up. This strength is called
>togetherness I see this growing strength in my peers and in my younger
>sister's generation. I see >powerful new messages in movies and on T.V.
>(created by women), messages that are
>telling of strength and growth. We all need to take part in order to see
>things through, we need
>to make our women's network, believe in each other's talents and support
>even the strangest of strangers. We are women.
That would sure be nice, but I'm not holding my breath.
Betty D.
