At 09:04 AM 12/24/96 -0500, you wrote:
>Greetings,
>
> I loved "Twas the Night Before Solstice." I shared it with some
>friends and they loved it to. It's so nice to share the comeraderie with
>like minded folks at this crazy holiday season.
>
> Suzanne
MULTILAF 1996 MULTIRIRE 1996
Laughter is the best medicine! Rions ensemble!
I'm so happy that you enjoyed it. I came across another one, equally as
fitting for ecological feminism, so I'm sending it along on this merriest of
Solstice days. Here it is:
TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
As a further restructuring, today's need for economic restraints and an
ever-increasing deficit requires the North Pole to look for better, more
competitive measures. Effective immediately, the following measures are to
take place in the "twelve days of Christmas" subsidiary:
The partridge will be kept but the pear tree never produced the cash crop
forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, which will also
provide savings in maintenance.
The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
efficient. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be
condoned. Their positions are therefore eliminated.
The three french hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the french!
The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with
a call waiting option. A study is underway to determine who they call, how
often and how long they talk.
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded.
It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day
is an example of the decline in productivity. There will be an upgrading in
the hiring procedure to guarantee that every goose is more efficient.
The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better economic
times. Their function is primarily aesthetic. They will be replaced by
mechanical swans. The current swans will be retrained to learn new strokes
for their outplacement. As you know, the eight maids-a-milking has been
under heavy scrutiny. A male/female balance in the workforce is being
sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward
mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mentoring
or a-mulching instead.
Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be
phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.
Ten Lords-a-leaping is definitely an overkill. The high cost of Lords plus
the expense of international travel prompted the Compensation Committee to
suggest replacing this group with a combination of ten out-of-work NDPs &
Conservatives.
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the
band getting to big!! A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on
new music scores and no uniforms will produce a great savings.
We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and
other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching
deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day,
service levels will be improved.
Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in
the future to bring down the deficit and stay competitive. Should that
happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White
Division to see if seven dwarfs are maybe too many.
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