Thought the ecofemmers would enjoy this.
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FORWARDED FROM: Rachel Coles
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Date: Fri, 9 Dec 1994 19:11:56 -0500
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Subject: fwd: How the Gingrinch Stole Congress
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>Please note disclaimer.
>
>>-----------------------------------------------------
>>
>>
>>
>> How the Gingrinch Stole Congress!
>> by Kris Rabberman & Scott Prevost
>>
>>
>> Every Who
>> Down in Whoville
>> Liked Elections a lot . . .
>>
>> But Newt Gingrinch,
>> Who lived on Mount Gridlock,
>> Did NOT!
>>
>> The Gingrinch loathed voting, the whole campaign season!
>> Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
>> It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
>> It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
>> But I think that the most likely reason of all,
>> May have been that his brain was two sizes too small.
>>
>> But whatever the reason,
>> His brain or his shoes,
>> He stood there Election Eve , hating the Whos,
>> Staring down from Mount Gridlock with a Gingrinchy frown,
>> At the candidates stumping below in their town.
>> For he knew every Who who was thinking that night,
>> Would cast their votes wisely--against the far right.
>>
>> "And they're worried about issues!" he snarled with a sneer,
>> "Tomorrow's the election! It's practically here!"
>> And the gears in his head began frantically spinning,
>> "I MUST find a way to keep liberals from winning!"
>>
>> For tomorrow, he knew all the Whos in the know,
>> Would vote for the DemoWhos all in a row,
>> For Wofford and Foley, Feinstein and Cuomo.
>>
>> Then the DemoWho Congress would do what he'd hate,
>> Come up with new programs, and then legislate!
>> Healthcare and gun bans they'd gladly create,
>> But such progress the Gingrinch would only berate.
>>
>> And THEN they'd do something
>> He liked least of all!
>> Every DemoWho in Congress, the tall and the small,
>> Would stand close together, and say with one voice,
>> "We're for women's rights and we're also pro-choice!"
>>
>> They'd work! And they'd work!
>> AND they'd WORK! WORK! WORK! WORK!
>> And the more that the Gingrinch thought, with a smirk,
>> The more that he thought, "I must STOP their hard work!
>> Why since Who-sevelt's years I've put up with it now!
>> I MUST stop the liberals from winning!
>> . . But HOW?"
>>
>> Then he got an idea!
>> An AWFUL idea!
>> The Newt
>> got a HORRIBLE, AWFUL idea!
>>
>> "I know just what to do!" Gingrinch laughed in his throat.
>> "I'll make empty vows in return for their vote."
>> And he chuckled, and clucked, "I've got a great con.
>> With these lies we'll pay homage to President Ron!"
>>
>> "All I need is a gimmick . . ."
>> The Newt looked around.
>> But since ideas are scarce, there were none to be found.
>> Did that stop the old Gingrinch
>> >From finding a scheme . . . ?
>> Of course not, he had the Whopublican team.
>> So he called Mr. Dole, and he eagerly said,
>> "I need to make use of your sly, sneaky head."
>>
>> Then they made up a plan,
>> That was terribly Dole-y,
>> To unseat the speaker,
>> Congressman Foley.
>>
>> And they wrote up a contract.
>> They did it that day,
>> And they chortled and laughed,
>> "All the liberals must pay."
>>
>> As the Gingrinch and Dole formulated their schemes,
>> Based on trickle down theories and far right extremes,
>> The DemoWhos, calmly, were dreaming their dreams.
>> First Gingrinch and Dole, with a gleam in their eyes,
>> About Clinton's record, told many lies.
>>
>> Then they told of the programs they'd gleefully pinch,
>> Who better to do this than Mr. Gingrinch?
>> They got stuck only once, on the issue of ketchup,
>> So they got on the phone and they called Orrin Hatch up.
>> Then both of them sunk to a terrible low.
>> "Entitlements," they grinned, "are the first things to go!"
>>
>> Then they slithered and slunk, with smiles most unpleasant,
>> Obnoxiously trashing the left, past and present!
>> "With Huffington, Romney, North and Santorum,
>> We're sure that the left cannot help but deplore 'em!
>> With ads so misleading they're practically criminal,
>> We'll use our PAC money for commercials subliminal!"
>>
>> "We'll bombard them with TV, and a racist disc-jockey!
>> Who supports Chuck Haytaian and dark-horse Pataki.
>> We'll support Ollie North, and Dewine over Hyatt,
>> And with all of his cash, we'll have Huffington buy it!"
>>
>> "When we win, we'll control each and every committee,
>> "To be sure funds are sent to nary a city!
>> "And Alfonse D'amato," (the dork from New York),
>> "can continue to rant about Bill Clinton's pork!"
>>
>> "Against Feinstein and Boxer's ardent protesting,
>> "Senator Packwood can keep on molesting!"
>> By the twisted up logic of Jesse and Strom,
>> "With gays in the army, we lost Vietnam!"
>>
>> "A lineup like this is Clinton's worst fear,"
>> said Gingrinch to Dole, with a dastardly sneer.
>>
>> "Taxes, the wealthy should not have to pay,"
>> the maniacal duo was eager to say.
>> "And when Congress is ours, we'll have prayer in the schools,"
>> Muttered Dole to the Newt, "Disregard liberal fools!"
>>
>> The plan was enacted,
>> The ballots were cast,
>> The sham made the voters return to the past.
>>
>> The Gingrinch was gleeful, and Dole started gloating,
>> before all the Whos had completed their voting.
>> "We now have a mandate!" they said with a laugh,
>> Even though, of the votes, they received only half.
>>
>> With snickering Newt in the role of the Speaker,
>> The prospects for changes have never been bleaker.
>> "The plans that we've outlined, we won't be revising,"
>> said Gingrinch, "We simply ABHOR compromising!"
>>
>> ____________________________________________
>>
>> The day of this scary Whopublican showing,
>> We started to notice Newt's head slowly growing,
>> Though now we can say, as you may have inferred,
>> His brain starting SHRINKING that day, so we've heard.
>>
>> Though the Whos may be worried and shaking in fear,
>> >From the dastardly changes that soon may be here,
>> The way Whos can solve this is really a cinch,
>> In '96 vote against cynic Gingrinch!
>>
>>
>>
>> DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed here are not necessarily the
>> opinions of Dr. Seuss, or those with an interest in his estate, or
>> anyone related to him, or anyone he met only once on a crowded
>> train traveling from New York to Chicago, or his former
>> next-door-neighbor's dog Max. Some stanzas of the preceding work
>> were directly stolen from Dr. Seuss' classic work, "How the Grinch
>> Stole Christmas," without the permission, expressed or implied, of
>> Theodor or Audrey Geisel, or Random House, Inc. This work was
>> created solely for the amusement of the authors and should not be
>> copied, distributed or otherwise duplicated by any means
>> (electronic or telepathic included) without the expressed written
>> consent of whoever owns the copyright to the book the authors
>> plagiarized to create this masterpiece. Any evidence to the
>> contrary should be construed as purely accidental and not the
>> intent of the authors (who, by the way, receive no monetary
>> benefit for having written the poem, but had to pay an overpriced
>> lawyer for this disclaimer) . The authors accept no
>> responsibility for any nightmares or other psychological problems
>> caused by reading this work to liberals already suffering from
>> Post Election Stress Disorder.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>
>
