my post in in respose to previous posts about the personal experience shared
by one of the list members and some of the thoughts and advice subsequently
posted.
first and foremost, to address safety. i don't think there's one concrete
answer of what iffin should do. it's unfortunate that she has to do
*anything*. there's not one answer, however. taking a self-defense class
or getting mace won't necessarily protect any of us.
the answer is, in my opinion, to do whatever makes YOU feel safe. there's
not one prescribed answer. personally, i think that mace is a little
unreliable because it can be used against you in the event of an attack. so
can a gun, unfortunately, and the results of that can be frightening. i've
heard some women who carry their keys in their hand so that the ends of them
stick out between their fingers when they make a fist (works well for
stabbing someone's eyes out). self-defense classes can be good if they help
you to feel empowered. the point is *survival*. even if a woman does
NOTHING at all to "fight back" during a sexual assault, she has still
survived and that in itself is fighting back. that's the point. you have
to do what you have to do to survive and do what you have to do to feel
safe. it's a personal choice. the answer differs for all of us.
and OF COURSE it's not your fault! it never is. not even if you were
standing in the middle of a busy street with no clothes on. no one ever
"asks for it." no matter what, NO ONE deserves to be raped. and no one
deserves to experience any other kind of sexual violation (like "hey baby").
if a man in an expensive suit is standing in the middle of a busy sidewalk
and he's counting the $50 bills in his wallet, does that mean he's "asking"
to be beaten and mugged? of course not!
no place is sacred. no place, thing, or person keeps us safe from sexual
assault. it's the unfortunate truth. most sexual assaults occur in our own
homes and are committed by people we know. if that doesn't give you the
chills, i don't know what will. there is no place you "should" or "should
not" go. there is nothing you "should" or "should not" do.
so if nothing is safe, what can we do? we do what we have to do to survive
and have some sense of safety. we walk in groups, we walk in the daylight.
we protect ourselves. it isn't fair, but we do what we have to do. and we
survive.
maybe it seems as if i'm overplaying this, but i think it's important to
think about the implications of things like this. what iffin was talking
about is something very real and happens to us daily. defining it and
talking about it helps us move forward.
in addition, i think that bob's contribution was definitely a valuable one.
it made some of us uncomfortable for very important reasons and i'd like to
hear more about that from other list subscribers. i think his perspective
might represent pretty well some of the opinions held by other straight men,
especially those who are frustrated with their love/sex life. i think bob
just had the guts to say it.
any other thoughts?
paz,
tasha
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