I like Andy's idea of strengthening the title of our declaration.
Perhaps "Declaration of War Against Plurality Voting"? OK, too strong.
Here is another possibility that uses the word "reform":
"Declaration of Election-Method Reform Advocates -- Let's Move Democracy
Beyond Plurality and First-Past-the-Post Voting"
The word "enthusiasts" makes me uncomfortable, whereas the word
"advocates" includes both experts and enthusiasts.
The words "A Call for..." could be improved by changing to "The Call for
...". And yet the word "call" is weakened because it has so many other
meanings.
Some words that are related to "call for" and "declaration" are:
"proclamation" and "demand". This suggests the possibility of "The
Demand to End Plurality-Based Elections".
I'm avoiding the word "voting" in the main title because the word
"elections" makes it clearer that we are seeking changes to governmental
elections.
Regardless of what title we choose, we also need to adjust part of the
first sentence, which currently says "This declaration, signed by
election-method experts from around the world, publicly denounces the
use of plurality voting – also called First Past the Post – in
governmental elections." Not all the signers will be "experts"; some
will be "advocates". So perhaps we can change "election-method experts"
to "election-method experts and advocates". I think that including the
word "experts" helps to strengthen the message.
Whatever we choose, we need to clarify that it's not from "election
reform" advocates, and it's not just from "election-method reform"
advocates. That's why I think it's stronger to include the word
"experts", at least in the opening sentence.
I encourage others to make suggestions about what words, phrases, or
titles you like or dislike. By combining our thoughts we can create a
better title (and a better document).
Richard Fobes
On 9/19/2011 6:35 AM, Andy Jennings wrote:
The current title for the declaration is "Declaration of Election-Method
Experts and Enthusiasts". I'm wondering if we can improve on this.
Jameson, Richard, and I were discussing this in the comments and it
was suggested to take it to the group.
First, let me say that it's not a bad title, and I'm fine if this ends
up being the final title. My main complaint is that it seems so
passive. I think it would be better with the word "reform" in there.
Maybe something like this:
"A Call for Election-Method Reform - A Declaration of Election-Method
Experts and Enthusiasts"
Anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?
~ Andy
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