http://www.swvatoday.com/entertainment_life/local/article_3f572be0-9b68-11e4-8d3f-8b2dd26da5dc.html?mode=story
I MADE IT UP: My electric executive snow blower
January 17, 2015 Carl D. Clarke, Jr.

I am working closely with the John Deere people to develop my four-wheel
riding snow blower. My Sno-Hog will be an exclusive top-of-the-line toy for
every suburbanite, every country club, and every educational institution
during the winter. In fact, it will be the first John Deere vehicle to be in
the snotty Hammacher Schlemmer catalog.

You have to appreciate its many features. It’s about the size of a riding
mower, but it’s electric. You keep it in your garage, charging its battery
on a 120-volt circuit. The driver’s space is enclosed by a four-sided
plastic canopy, the better to protect you from the cold.

Inside, it has a heater, a radio, a TV, and is wifi capable. This last is
useless, but everything comes with wifi nowadays.

Since you will be blowing snow, which drifts, all four side windows have
heated windshield wipers.

Also, did I say that it has a scraper blade on the front? Better to clear
the driveway. And it has a remote start, so it’s all heated up before you
ever get into the cab.

Here’s the scenario: You hop onto the pre-heated Executive SnoHog and hit
the remote garage door opener. With “Born to Ride” blaring loud on the
radio, you clear your own driveway, and then drive over to the neighbor’s
house to gloat. He comes out to admire your new electric riding snow blower,
and you sit there inside (he’s in the passenger seat) while you show him all
the features. Especially, you point out the heated cup holders for cider,
and the two beer can holders.

Then you blow all the snow from your walkways and driveways over onto his
driveway. This is the height of one-upsmanship.

I don’t see how this idea can fail, because everyone in the neighborhood
will have to have one. As I see it, the snow will pile up on the lawn of the
poorest guy living there. That guy will have to move with his wife and
little children from the neighborhood because he can’t afford a Sno-Hog.
What a shame.

The John Deere people tell me that we should be ready to market in May of
next year. I can’t wait for the money to start rolling in.

Carl D. Clarke Jr. from Abingdon is a weekly columnist for the Washington
County News. He may be reached at [email protected]
[© swvatoday.com]




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