Quantum Omni-Presents

[Eric Hawthorne]

It is well known that a "classical" Santa Claus is not possible, because,
even with the best travelling salesperson algorithm at his disposal, Santa would have to travel faster than the speed of light to deliver presents
to every household on Earth on Christmas Eve or morning, even considering the
rotation of the planet and different time zones.

Isn't the answer obvious? Santa claus, using the isolation of the North Pole
to get some peace and quiet 11 months a year to do serious research (the 12th month
being unfortunately filled with squealy violin-heavy Christmas music piped through the north pole mansion on tinny speakers), has long ago cracked the mysteries of a TOE and has reigned in the power
of quantum entanglement to achieve simultaneous present delivery, and even,
to the very observant, those likely to be disturbed in their sleep by a stirring mouse, to appear in every house, if in shadowy form and only for a moment.
The significance of the chimney in this theory is yet to be determined. Perhaps
it is the most massive object in the house on which a lock can be obtained, so
that the presents aren't accidentally deposited on top of sleeping residents or
out in the back yard. There are more mysteries to be solved here, clearly.