Hi

 > 2. Exim accepting bounces for nonexistent addresses--at the very least
 > would like to drop or auto-respond to anything for [EMAIL PROTECTED]

bounces not always come from <> sender, but you can try to reject
as much as possible (i have some acl's in http://www.ols.es/exim/acl/
which work well at detecting bounces)

> 3. Exim memory performance -- I have set the following in exim.conf to
> attempt to throttle the queue processing:
> 
> queue_run_max = 5
> remote_max_parallel = 1
> queue_smtp_domains = 1

this only affects outgoing connections, you can use something like
this:

smtp_accept_max = 120
smtp_accept_max_per_host = 3
smtp_accept_queue = 100
queue_only_load = 2

and

smtp_load_reserve
smtp_accept_reserve
smtp_reserve_hosts

if you have a list of good host, and also some acl's to fine
tune incoming connections:

acl_connect:

   accept  hosts          = :

   # Too busy (all hosts)

   defer   condition      = ${if >{$load_average}{10000}}
           message        = Too busy now, please try latter
           log_message    = Too busy now ($load_average any)

acl_check_mail:

   # Too busy (non-authenticated users)

   defer   condition      = ${if >{$load_average}{6000}}
           !authenticated = *
           message        = Too busy now, please try latter
           log_message    = Too busy now ($load_average)


-- 
best regards ...

----------------------------------------------------------------
    David Saez Padros                http://www.ols.es
    On-Line Services 2000 S.L.       e-mail  [EMAIL PROTECTED]
    Pintor Vayreda 1                 telf    +34 902 50 29 75
    08184 Palau-Solita i Plegamans   movil   +34 670 35 27 53
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