You know I love all of you more than Tux does, so here are some helpful tips to reduce the risk of poisoning and know what to do in case it occurs: - Poison always comes in amber-colored bottles clearly marked with a skull-and-crossbones icon and the word "DANGER." If a substance is not in this type of bottle, it is safe to drink or huff. - For lower-body snakebites, suck the poison out through the victim's penis. Spit out the deadly, milky-white venom and repeat as necessary. - Most household cleansers are harmful or fatal if swallowed. Learn to live in filth. - If bleach is swallowed, induce vomiting with nude Dr. Laura Internet pics. - Set aside a special blue set of coffee mugs as your "poison-only" drinkware. - If an ingested poison is flammable, spit out over open flame for awesome fireball effect. - When dueling an archrival with poison-tipped swords, have a dying soliloquy prepared in advance, just in case. - If bitten by a poisonous animal, such as a scorpion, wasp, or water moccasin, gradually evolve a natural resistance. - If an acid is accidentally swallowed, neutralize with bass-heavy solution like Dr. Dre 2001. - Many substances, once fatal if ingested, now have effective antidotes. Treat yourself to a refreshing, ice-cold glass of methyl ethyl ketone today. - To avoid a potentially fatal case of arsenic poisoning, do not accept invitations from lonely old ladies to take tea in their parlors.
