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My father died Easter Sunday 30 years ago. I just
had to work a double. All in all today was a good day. Not sure what any
of this means.
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, March 27, 2005 12:46
PM
Subject: [FairfieldLife] Advance
Directives: Be as Detailed as Possible
--- In [email protected],
m2smart4u2000 <[EMAIL PROTECTED]...>
wrote:
> There seems to be two things needed, a "power of attorney"
and
> an "Advance Directive". The Power of Attorney gives rights to
make
> decisions on your behalf regarding your estate. This is
notarized
> and has a space for signature that says "acceptance by
agent"
> and "acceptance by alternative agent" The Advanced directive
names a
> health care representative and an alternate health care
> representative and states your wishes should you become seriously
> ill. It can be as specific as your like.
Just some further
things to consider for the Advance Directive (aka
Medical Power of Attorney
in California I think). I spent three years
caring for my mother in
advanced stages of Alzheimers.
(Its ironic or nicely symetrical -- she
passed away one year ago today
-- so i hve been thinking of her -- all
blessings to her wherever she
may be.)
She created an Advanced
Directive Medical PoA) in 1990 or so and
placed my brother as number one
and myself as number two. That all
made sense, he is the eldest, she and he
ran the same business and saw
each other daily, he lived withing 30 minutes
from her, and I was 500
miles away. And the general Power of Attorney
worked in a similar
fashion. My brother wasnamed #1 due to his proximaty
and I was named
number two. My mother said if I had been closee by than my
brother,
she would have named me #1.
Later, in 1997 this was
revised when a caregiver moved in to a fairly
self-contained suite upstairs
in my mother's house to sort of help her
out with things -- at that point
it was just checking in with her a
bit, helping with shopping, but we
expected a gradual decline, thus
all supported the live-in caregiver idea.
So the Advance Directive was
changed to have the caregiver #2 and me #3
since the caregiver was
"right there".
The order is important as I
came to learn. The Advance Directive, at
least in California, does not
designate those appointed as co-equal
managers. It gives 100% power to the
first, and if they are unable to
perform the responsibilities, 100% of
authority falls to #2, etc.
By 2001 my mother had declined quite a
bit, so I decided to sell my
house and move the 500 miles so I could be
there for her and be part
of the caregiver team (there was the live-in and
another part time
"commuter" caregive". And my brother had move 700 miles
away. Though
we talked about changing the Directive, my mother could
no longer
sign a document, or even if she could make some scrawl, she would
not
really knowwhat she was signing. So the Advanced Directive was
fixed.
A year later the live-in caregive moved out, 300 miles away. So
the 24
hours care / watching over was then done by myself, living at
the
house, and two part time commuting in caregivers. However, my
bother,
700 miles way, and the original live-in caregiver, not family, and
300
miles way still had legal medical authority for my mom over me. And
my
brother had 100% control of my mom's finaces, and since payment
for
medical expenses and for the part-time caregivers was in his hands,
he
wielded substantial power over how things were done.
One would
think that this would not be a problem among mature,
educated adults. All i
can say is that under the stress, and perhaps
growing sense of grieving and
loss, people don't always act rationally.
People clung to their legal
power. I think they did so becasue it made
them feel involved and still an
active part of my mom's life. However,
they were not involved in the day to
day care for my mom, and over
time, gained more and more unproductive and
flawed views of the
situation and what was best for my mom. And they even
basically knew
and admitted this, but still, had to cling on to micro
management.
It was odd beyond belief and placed my mom in jepordy at
times --
thankfully nothing serious happened. And I know my mom would have
not
been pleased with the actions of the other two PoAs. She would
have
said aomethng about common sense, and "look who is living at my
house
caring for me, who do you think I would have wanted to have
primary
decision ability!!??"
I point this out because PoAs are set
up and then things change. After
some point, the dcouments can't be changed
due to incapacitation. As
Smart pointed out, the documents can be as
specific as you care to
make them. I suggest that you think things through
and add comments of
commen sense regarding order of PoAs over time, and
possible new PoAs
to be appointed if the currenly listed ones don't meed
certain
conditions -- such as proximatey etc.
My mom's care would
have been quite better if she had added the
commonn sense supplement,
"and of course the order of PoAs should
change if circumstances change. The
person who is physically closest,
and/or most involved in my care and life
at any particular time should
be the functional lead PoA."
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