On May 2, 2005, at 1:17 PM, Patrick Gillam wrote:

>> There was a recognition that samsara was being created and
>> observed, thus this deep sense of suffering at the instant of
>> recognition. Later there was the simultaneous arising of loathing for
>> all of samsara. At that instant (of recognition of loathing of 
>> samsara)
>> then and there I lost any desire to perform the siddhis ever again.
>
> If you would, Vaj, talk more about this loathing of
> samsara. For example, did it help free you of
> samsara's charm, thus contribute to liberation?

It was an impetus to relinquish samsara and to leave samsara. Once it 
was recognized, there was no choice.

> I'm tempted to conclude that the sidhis helped in this
> process, but you're saying the sidhis mask that loathing
> with some charming feeling, right?

No. The feeling-tone of a siddhi (or any experience of subject separate 
from object) is the same as the mask of a vasana--only in this case you 
are intentionally creating it.

> But the experience reported by others on this list recently
> is of having that which lies beneath -- the silence --
> pulled into activity. Far from missing what lies beneath,
> for us the sidhis reveal it. So I'm getting a disconnect.
>

It's easy to condition ourselves. How many times have we heard that 
this is the goal: silence in activity--CC, etc. We were conditioned to 
believe that from the start. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. When the 
ego wants a way to describe it, the natural choice is...? Will "it" 
admit failure or grab what it likes? Of course it grabs that it's 
something Great.

Of course the other side-effect of consciousness moving inside itself, 
is that it awakens shakti. So you have that too. Help or hindrance for 
this new ego?

Is it such a surprise that we have been told this precise same 
scenario--in a number of different ways and then ego fills in the 
blank? The sad thing is, so few will look outside the TMO for 
perspective. Therein lies great danger. Blind trust can only lead to 
blindness in this case.



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