I had read Yogananda before I was encouraged by a TM friend to try TM. I was afraid but did not really know why. Finally I screwed up the courage and went along to an introductory lecture. I will leave off comments for now about who the lecture was done by and my relationship to that person. Suffice it to say that I proceeded to allow myself to be encouraged and step by step I got to the day I was to get the TM technique. I was led into a small room, the puja table was all set up, lovely scent of sandlewood in the room. The teacher spoke quietly and told me to sit and watch. Teacher did the puja and I felt a distinct essence of peace fill the room. I thought it all charming. I can't remember when I was asked to bow with the teacher, whether it was before or after I got the mantra. Anyway, I sort of clumsily bowed a bit and was confused and momentarily wary. I sat down and I guess it was then I was given the mantra and told to repeat it a few times. I did and then I was told how to use it in my mind. I can't recall if I had the first meditation right then and there or I was led back to another room for the 1'st meditation. In any case I recall that I zoomed down into a gigantic space of peace, quiet and calm that was instantly clear. It felt like "home". It felt wonderful. My breathing must have become very shallow and time was almost entirely suspended. My time for that first meditation was over before I knew it. I was asked for what my experiences were and was told that it was very good and that I had obviously taken very well to it. Thus in 1976, September I believe, I started TM. I enjoyed the meditation very much.
I did notice as so many have as well, that you become accutely aware of how tired you are, how much sleep deprivation is layered into your cells. I became aware of the many flavors of a meditational sitting. I was taught simple asana postures and learned them easily and I enjoyed those. I became aware that my knees were not meant to be stretched into a lotus position. I learnt to ignore that at my peril. Years later after forcing my knees into position I tore cartilidge in my right knee and had to have an endoscopic operation. Never went into lotus after that. Felt idiotic for having ignorned my inner voice that said not to force it. Oh well. You live and try to learn. Years go by and eventually I came upon enough money to go for the Siddhis. Took parts of it in the city and for the last set we went up to a lovely facility the movement had bought up in Huntsville, Ontario. Well, that was a blast of a course. I was the first one to lift off. In my natural state I am quite uninhibited and so I felt enormously free within myself and so when the flying technique was tried I just felt a surge of tremendous power come from no-where and rush up through me. The next thing I knew it I was bouncing like mad down the foam mats, with my head going up and down and me howling like a maniac in blissfull glee. I made many hops until I stopped. The room erupted into a huge applause and I just laughed my ass off. After the session was over many came by where I was lying down and all they had to say was, "heh, how did you do that?". I laughed more. I shrugged my shoulders and said I had no idea. It just happened on it's own. I also must say that the other siddhis had almost no discernable results for me. I almost always could bounce around and did so for several years. I loved it. I also sensed that not everyone around me enjoyed being so "free" inside, feeling so uninhibited. My howling and yipping and laughing and blissful carrying on just wore thin on some people and before you knew it some were swearing at me, in a joking way. Very few flew. Some left the course convinced that it was a waste of their time and money and I'm sure some of them never touched TM Siddhis again. It appeared to me at the time that the technique shocked them on some level and they withdrew and reacted against the energy to "open". That is what it appeared to me. I had another memorable experience while on course. In the middle of I don't now remember, not sure if it was while doing a particular Siddhi or just meditating before, but while in the big room, all of a sudden out of no-where...again....a blast of a billion volts felt like they were buzzing in all my nerve endings throughout my body. I was surprised, afraid, overcome, overwhelmed, in awe. I could not feel my hands as hands anymore, they were just zillions of volts. I heard a very loud buzzing sounds in my ears. I moaned and groaned as it was just wayyyyyyy tooooo much juice and I really did not know what the heck was going on. It lasted for a few minutes and then subsided and then went away. Say hello to Prana Fred......hello big energy. Astounding experience. Never had anything like it again. When smaller bursts came I knew them better and was calmer about the flow. I tried to get to the TM/Flying room in town once in a while and again I enjoyed the experience. When I think back on Siddhis I came to the conclusion that they would never work as described until such time that I could: - get enough sleep every single night - lived a much less stressfull life - ate a less invigorating diet - gave up all caffeine - gave up all alcohol - meditated, did asanas, and full program without any interruptions every single day. Having seen how hopping/flying worked I was sure that at some point of one's evolution, one could reach an ability to access the volts to get your body to ride a wave of prana up into the air and hold it. The trick was to develop that mind, strengthen the nervous system, get stronger and stronger in an integrated sense and over time learn how to focus the intention at the finest level without blacking out into tiredness and dull mind. I saw that it was possible but only remotely. So much else had to come together. In this light I hold the Siddhis, the Yoga Sutras with a great deal of respect. They are powerful, subtle and within the grasp of a human being. They are also almost impossible to make use of in the householder hurly burly world I lived in. I look back now on TM as a good and powerful technique. There is no wrongness in TM per se (except for the religious reasons I have already outlined). I never did get to take the SCI course and now I'd love to listen to them. Anyone know how I could do that without giving money to the movement? I found the many tapes of MMY interesting but after a while very repetitive. I found that psychological support for changes was just not visible. I've outlined some of those concerns already. I found the the Gita translation was delicious and I read it from time to time. I found some of his other books quite delightful, but as with all his writings, seemingly a one track message. He said much but there was much he avoided saying or addressing. I found the chants (all the different Vedic chants) to be very powerful and I loved listening to them. I found Gandharva music very moving. I am a musician and listen to music all my waking moments. I enjoyed it. There was so much I did love about my experiences. For me much of this dissolved into despair and deep heartbreak when other issues came up in my life and the movement and MMY just appeared to let me down. That is another story. At this stage of my life, having seen MMY pass on, I want to state clearly that I have made my peace with all that past. I have a warm place in my heart for him and I wish him peace. I won't be going back to that path again but I am glad it crossed my way. Cheers, Fred
