Sorry so many posts were wasted by you guys trying to figure out what sort/amount of emotions I'm having.
Me having fears? Not so much. I'm an exaggerating hyperbolic hip-shooting writer. I glory in the way pieces of a conceptual jigsaw puzzle snap together, and when the picture forms -- it awes me every time. A sentence that works -- buttah. A lot of my posts, before being posted, are read aloud to my woman/guru/sacred-heart-magic-eight-ball/mojo-madonna, and more often than not, she'll half close her eyes and take a deep breath, and I know I'm in for it. (My list of Chopra questions got me scourged raw -- she just can't stand it when I get smarmy.) If she's up in arms, sad to say, mostly, my defensiveness comes on fully like shields coming up after the first hit from a Klingon photon torpedo. It can get really hot in this kitchen here. But, seee? She too buys into the concept that words are like rattlesnakes being juggled, but there am I like a kid in a field with his first book of matches -- with all of southern California mine to burn (cue Dr. Evil laugh.) I know so little about the power of words and am so addicted to using them. Suppose I put my attention on, say, the Blackwater Private Army. That's 150,000 more soldiers in Iraq that aren't being called soldiers. That's 150,000 elitist, mostly white guys, who are paid five times more and are better equipped than the "lower class Army troops." See? See the structures of BigMoney at work? So, oh yeah, I'm at risk. I didn't "the emotional parts" just now; I merely wrote about it, but, yep, I could do a slip-lip-slope and skid down into the darkness of some inner hell. How often? Not that often. I have had such life-challenges whack my plexus, that I have been FORCED (didn't want to do the hard work) to find a way to control my emotional production facilities enough to "not go there" when I know I would only accomplish spinning my wheels uselessly in angst slush. It's a skill I use every single day now. Saves me a lot of energy. But when I write about the Blackwater Private Army, I'm much more into "do these words convey it," than I am on "experiencing it right now." Been there, done that, now I'm printing the tee-shirt, see? I can do some very dramatic reading of my posts -- I'll do a howl that Ginsberg will envy -- he was such a crap reader, so no big accomplishment -- but I do cut an oratory rug rather finely! And, yeah, I'll be feeling a lot of the words THEN, cuz I allow voice inflections to amp my meanings, and, natch, mood making works and my heart rate will increase when thusly engaged. So, I'm working on stuff over here, but I rather talk about whether or not the world is working on ITS shit. Who cares if I'm foaming at the mouth about Bill Clinton's having fiddled while Arabs hacked African children so that the Chinese can get oil? Who cares if I'm screaming like I'm on fire when I note that Bill was spurting on a dress while 10 million Mexicans crossed the border? Who cares if I'm close to apoplectic shock with blood spurting out of my ears when I scream that BushCo has MURDERED a million innocents IN MY NAME and just keeps smirking at the press corps like Willy Sutton. Why did you invade Iraq? "Cuz that's where the oil is." It's not about me! Just because I'm a six-planet Leo borderline personality disordered narcissist and have an ego the size of Rush Limbaugh that is always trying to make EVERYTHING about me -- screw me -- instead, look at the facts about which I'm "out-of-control." It's about children getting their arms loped off and a Mexican government being allowed by GlobalBiz to be so corrupt that millions must flee the country to simply survive. Edg --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "authfriend" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Angela Mailander > <mailander111@> wrote: > > > > Young Dove, > > I think you're right to be "afraid." We use the word > > "afraid" when we see something negative coming, even > > when we do not personally feel any emotion of fear. > > That, it seems to me, is the kind of fear you are > > talking about, and to pretend that it is the personal > > emotion of fear is to misread your intentions. > > Seems to me someone who expresses that kind of fear > doesn't beg to be talked out of it, as Edg did. > > Nor do they say things like: > > "I'm afraid. Yeah, I need a checking, but by my estimate, > I'll need another 29 years of four hours a day to get my > nervous system to the point where such a fear is seen > clearly enough to snuff it." > > Those two were the "tell"; Edg was actually being > right up front about personally feeling the emotion > of fear, your attempt to poohpooh it notwithstanding. > It seems you didn't actually bother to read what he > said; you were too anxious to get off a slam at me. > > Your > > "fear" is the eternal vigilance that is the price of > > any democracy. > > Yeah, boy, it's a really good thing you were so > vigilant to warn us about how blacks in the United > States were going to lose their right to vote if > the Voting Rights Act wasn't renewed. Not to mention > Michelle Obama's membership in the Council on Foreign > Relations. If you hadn't told us, we'd never have > known! > > <snicker> > > As I told Edg, I am not, of course, suggesting that > there aren't plenty of things that warrant great > concern in this country; anybody who's followed my > posts would know that. But there's a line between > legitimate concern and irrational paranoia, and you > and Edg--and Bhairitu--have crossed it repeatedly. > > The trouble with irrational paranoia is that it > distracts one from the less spectacular, more > insidious goings-on that *should* be of concern. > > > In Nazi Germany, too, there were the "spiritual" types > > who tried to make anyone mentioning the kind of "fear" > > you have expressed (and for good reason) feel > > spiritually inferior for having that "fear." > > Oh, nice, Angela. And you became enraged when you > thought (incorrectly) that I had compared you to > the Nazis. (Yes, I know you're comparing me to the > "good Germans," not to the Nazis, but that's almost > as ugly.) > > If what I told Edg makes him feel "spiritually > inferior," that's his problem, not mine. I don't > think that at all, to the contrary. But thanks > for trying to convince *him* that's what I was > trying to do. What a charming person you are. > > For the record, I think Edg is head and shoulders > above most of us here--certainly *way* above you-- > in honesty and openness. > > It appears to me that you and Bhairitu--especially > you--indulge in paranoid imaginings because it > makes you feel, as Barry would say, Important and > Special to be prophets of doom who make other people > afraid. I don't think you do much actual worrying > yourselves. > > I don't think that's Edg's problem. I suspect his > fears may actually cause him to lose sleep, or at > least to feel uncomfortable a lot of the time. >
