from "Stripping the Gurus" by Geoffrey Falk: "Further, after having met his foremost disciple, Vivekananda, for the first time, in the throes of an "agonizing desire" to see the young man again, Ramakrishna confessed:
I ran to the northern quarter of the garden, a rather unfrequented place, and there cried at the top of my voice, "O my darling, come back to me! I can't live without seeing you!" After some time, I felt better. This state of things continued for six months. There were other boys who also came here; I felt greatly drawn towards some of them but nothing like the way I was attracted toward [Vivekananda] (Disciples, 1979; italics added). Ramakrishna went on to describe his favorite disciple variously as a "huge red-eyed carp," "a very large pot," "a big bamboo with holes" and a "male pigeon." In later days, the prematurely impotent, married guru once went into samadhi (i.e., mystical ecstasy, generally involving a loss of awareness of the body) after having mounted the young Vivekananda's back. As to what excuse the great guru might have given for such mounting had it not sent him vaulting into ecstatic perception of God, one can only guess.
