--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com <mailto:FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com> , "Rick Archer" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > A Letter to The Red States > > Dear Red States: > > We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and > we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, > that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, > Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe > this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the > people of the new country of New California. > > To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave > states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the > Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You > get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of > America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We > get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay > their fair share. > > Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the > Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a > bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be > pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens > back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your > evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to > their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show > pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you > success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not > willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. > > With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent > of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple > and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of > America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) > 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most > of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and > condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal > Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to > cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected > health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 > percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent > of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all > televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the > University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. > > Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was > actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred > unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent > say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was > involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you > are people with higher morals then we lefties. > > Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed > they grow in Mexico > > Peace out, > > Blue States >
And we get the sweetheart goddess that lives in Lake Champlain, Vermont, as well as the greenest, finest, most stable, least foreclosures, most civilised, state in the country...possibly the world. Red states go away ! Texans are banned, and Bush and Cheney will LITERALLY get arested if they come here. OffWorld
