Allow me to reinforce Barry's suggestion with this amusing and relevant article that was very popular in the New York Times not long ago:
http://tinyurl.com/6d6cjb What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage By AMY SUTHERLAND Published: June 25, 2006 AS I wash dishes at the kitchen sink, my husband paces behind me, irritated. "Have you seen my keys?" he snarls, then huffs out a loud sigh and stomps from the room with our dog, Dixie, at his heels, anxious over her favorite human's upset. In the past I would have been right behind Dixie. I would have turned off the faucet and joined the hunt while trying to soothe my husband with bromides like, "Don't worry, they'll turn up." But that only made him angrier, and a simple case of missing keys soon would become a full-blown angst-ridden drama starring the two of us and our poor nervous dog. Now, I focus on the wet dish in my hands. I don't turn around. I don't say a word. I'm using a technique I learned from a dolphin trainer. Read the rest at http://tinyurl.com/6d6cjb . It's a classic! --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, TurquoiseB <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Recently a friend who was visiting from Paris stayed at > my house, and accompanied me when I was walking my dogs. > Since she trains dogs for a living, when she offered > some useful criticism, I paid attention. > > And *attention* was the nature of the advice she gave > me. She pointed out that I tended to pay the most atten- > tion to the dogs when they were doing something wrong > (what she called "Bad dog! syndrome"), whereas I often > didn't pay as much attention to them and stoke them when > they were doing something right. I've been paying...uh... > attention to her advice ever since, and it has made a > remarkable difference in the overall comportment of my > furry friends. > > So I might pass along the same advice to readers of FFL > who find themselves troubled by the Troll Factor. What > are trolls *after*? What are they *looking for*? > > Duh. Attention. > > And when you give it to them by overreacting to one of > their posts that are calculated *to* elicit an overreac- > tion response, you are in effect REINFORCING that > "bad dog" behavior. They poke and prod, you react, they > get the attention they were looking for. Therefore they > repeat the behavior. > > Another approach, for those who feel that those amongst > us that they have decided are trolls, but who still feel > that there might be someone "in there" to communicate > with, is to reply to them ONLY when they do something > right, something that deserves to be reinforced. > > If, instead of being insulting, they actually post some- > thing of value, something that strikes a resonance with > you, reply and attempt to pursue that thread, *in the > spirit in which it was started*. The minute that the > troll tries to turn things nasty or personally insulting, > end your participation in the thread, and don't reply to > them again until they post something else of a positive > nature. > > Heck, it's worth a try. Nothing else has worked. >
