It's the stuff of science fiction. Or science
fiction parody, anyway. 

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/29/us/politics/29cyber.html?_r=1&hp

WASHINGTON — The Pentagon plans to create a new military 
command for cyberspace, administration officials said 
Thursday, stepping up preparations by the armed forces 
to conduct both offensive and defensive computer warfare.
(more at the link, and all interesting)

OK, try to imagine the scene. It's 2012, the
apocalypse that many here hoped for because
it would take away the pressure of having 
devoted their lives to pursuing enlightenment 
and never finding it has not occurred, and
a war is on. 

In the control room sit the front-line troops
who fight this war. Crack cadets all, they 
man their weapons as they ready for battle.

Dozens of pimply-faced teenagers, recruited
into this Special Ops unit as an alternative
to doing time for hacking, leap into battle.
One, using a joystick instead of a mouse 
because he's faster on the joystick, shouts:
"Gotcha, you cyberloser...that'll teach you
to mess with the Red Baron Of Cyberspace!"

His buddy at the next desk says, "Heh heh. 
Heh heh heh. He said 'cyberloser.'"

Rations of Jolt cola and Red Bull and Cheetos
are brought directly to the troops' desks so
that they never have to leave them. (Not that
they would anyway, because none of them have
lives.) They are brought around on carts by
buxom young babes who all look like Pamela
Anderson, and who have been trained to flirt
with the Cyberwarriors and hint that they
might get lucky if they just bring down that
pesky server in Beijing that been such a
nuisance lately. (In actuality none of the
nerds ever *have* gotten lucky, but just like
TMers and their myths about people who have
levitated, they refuse to lose faith in the
*possibility* that they might get lucky...
someday...if they just crash enough enemy
servers or identity-theft the enemy's leaders
into submission or bankruptcy.)

Unlike the regular Army, which has had trouble
finding new recruits for decades because of
the possibility of...uh...getting your ass
killed, this new cadre of Nerd Warriors is
never lacking for new fodder. They say it's 
the promise of possibly getting lucky with
one of the serving wenches that inspires them
to enlist, but personally I think it's the
free Cheetos.



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