"...you must remember that I haven't been in a haunted house since maybe 1989. At that time, the average haunted house was just a series of dark halls in which drama club dorks with masks and plastic axes would jump out at you and say things like, "You'd better run for your life!" in their best attempt at a spooky muahahaha voice. Even when I was eleven that shit was basically whatever the opposite of scary is. But now it's 2009, and we live in a world in which movies like Hostel, Saw 1-76, and the Halloween remakes (which are Rob Zombie joints, in case you didn't know) make millions of dollars. I should have known that would affect the goings-on at the nation's haunted houses. Stupid me.
Apparently, in the modern haunted house scene, rape is where it's at. Kerry and Natethaniel told me that the haunted house's "attractions" included a woman being brutally gang raped, women being tortured, women being murdered, a woman's torso with the genital area completely mutilated, an exploding ass (I forgot to ask what sex the exploding ass was), and so on and so forth. All of the above came with plenty of blood. My friend Steve said that a better name for the haunted house might be "The Mutilated Vagina House," and I asked him, rhetorically, why there weren't more mutilated penises in the mix. He replied that no one would come, and he was right." http://rageagainstthemanchine.com/2009/10/31/mutilated-vagina-house/
