--- In [email protected], "Irmeli Mattsson" 
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> ****
> 
> The reality can be surprising.
>  
> I grew up in an atheist family. I remember my mother mentioning 
God 
> only once, when I was sick. According to her I had got the 
measles, 
> because I was so evil and God was punishing me. My father 
occasionally 
> lectured us about the foolishness of religions. And I agreed with 
him. 
> I have never felt a desire or a need to pray.
> 
> In my inner dialogues I was sometimes also pondering of the 
concept of 
> God. I ended up not denying God's existence, but saw  that  this 
> entity transcends my understanding and therefore I cannot form any 
> picture internally of God. Therefore He cannot be an object of 
belief 
> for me either.
> 
> I also came to the conclusion that if God is the embodiment of 
Truth, 
> he cannot expect from me more than I function according to what I 
> understand to be true, even if that meant the denial of God.
> 
> The irony is that when I at age 16 had my first conscious 
awakening 
> shift, I hadn't consciously felt any desire to merge with God. 
After 
> this awakening I saw that there is subtle deep intelligence 
permeating 
> and beyond everything, which takes care of evolution and also of 
the 
> inner growth of us humans. My trying to become something or being 
> something disturbs the workings of this intelligence in me. If I 
try 
> to become something my conscious intelligence cannot stay in tune 
with 
> this deep intelligence in nature.
> 
> I saw that life or this deep intelligence accepts me just as I am 
with 
> all my defects. Trying to be something means denial and non-
acceptance 
> of what is. I think this applies also to trying to get enlightened.
> The basis for growth and transformation is accepting and then 
> gradually penetrating what is, not by putting your attention 
elsewhere.
>  
> Whatever your stage of awareness is, just be present and observe 
your 
> deep motives, emotions, and energetic states as sincerely and as 
> truthfully as you can, even if it might feel painful. Don't avoid 
> feeling painful and heavy emotions. This avoidance is most potent 
in 
> creating suffering and stagnation. Also relaxing meditation like 
TM is 
> good as it helps to connect consciously to the more subtle levels.
> Deep relaxed breathing is useful in helping becoming more aware of 
> suppressed unpleasant emotions and sensations and transforming 
them.
> 
> Avoid excuses and using consciously your intelligence to defensive 
> purposes. Inner growth and evolution is that simple. Sudden leaps 
to a 
> higher level of awareness will appear on its own, when you are 
ready. 
> Belief in God is not a necessity and in some phases can become an 
> obstacle too.
> 
> Irmeli

Brilliant and beautiful! What a gift for expression you have! And an 
excellent guide for dedication to the transcendent value of life. 
Thank you!




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