--- In [email protected], "tomandcindytraynoratfairfieldlis" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > Judy writes: Snip > Not sure who "we" is here. And I'm not asking *you* > to change, just for you to change your behavior. I > can do that; is it something you've lost the ability > to do? > > Tom T writes: > Judy you have an expectation that is out of touch with reality. The > rest of us out here need to read your mind and be aware of what will > push your buttons and then avoid doing that. We are not very good at > reading minds and we are who we are. All expectations are nothing more > than premeditated anger. You have an expectation that can not be > matched and when that doesn't happen Judy gets angry, hurt or whatever > feeling you feel is appropriate at that time. > This is a no win, you can't change the world to match up with your > expectations, give it up, get real and get healthy. > Tom T
**** The very thing that prompted my awakening experience at 16 was the total desperation I felt, when I observed that I couldn't change my behaviour to the better. I was a withdrawn teenager with poor social skills. I wanted to be outgoing as many others were. I also had difficulties in communication in school. When the teacher asked questions, I very seldom lifted my hand even if I knew the answer. If the teacher however asked me, I often couldn't say a word even if I knew the answer. I desperately wanted to behave normally, but the more I tried, the worse I seemed to get. I was in this situation, when the awakening took place. I had recently come to the conclusion that it was not worthwhile to continue with my life like this. I had too many problems, and could never get rid of them. Essential part of my realization was that growth, development and healing is embedded in nature´s functioning as naturally as the growth of a tree. I just have to allow it to happen. And my trying to be social, or trying to be anything at all, prevents this growth from happening. As also passivity or martyrdom and blaming others and circumstances prevents growth. My realization was that there is another way that is neither of these. I saw that life accepts me as nothing and as defective. My part is being present, aware, alert, but not trying to change myself. At that time I called this way of being `active passivity'. Just being aware of my defects, and how they make me feel. After this awakening I felt like I had surrendered to a powerful force of life that is in its essence the force of evolution. To this reality don't belong new year's promises to improve my behaviour in this or that aspect. After this shift of awareness for a few weeks I was possibly even more withdrawn than before. Then one day I spontaneously felt a desire to express myself, and as I was present and alert, I acted upon this impulse. This kind of spontaneous desire started to appear more and more often. It took me more time to learn to observe and act upon these impulses in bigger gatherings of people. Nowadays if there is any problem it is more the opposite. This way of functioning applies to other areas of my life also. And life has carried me on quite well, even if sometimes others may have considered my lack of ambition, and seeming lack of needs or desires peculiar. Occasionally I have been drawn to work with very challenging energies, but so far these challenges have worked out well and have lead to healing or opening of new ways of functioning. Irmeli To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
