So yesterday the Swedish woman invited everyone to come and see Mahavatara Bhagavan Kalki, to which I threw up and then while wiping my chin spumed forth in judgemental anger and with knee jerk psychomania said, "Fuck that." 
 
And I'm sure some of you thought I was being an asshole.
 
But my opinion is, if you parade your Guru around like a trophy wife, then beware of someone fucking her in the bathroom when you're not looking. Otherwise, keep your synchophantic and melodramatic love affairs out of the public's eye.  I mean, if you go around telling people, hey, my girlfiend has the best pussy ever. She also can dance the can can in missionary position, and samba when she's on top. Then guess what? Somebody is going to take you up on that. 
 
For the women. Gee Marge, my husband's cock is short I guess. It's only about eight inches long. It's  little too thick though. Usually he feels like he's filling me up a bit more than I can take.  Well, I never thought he was very good in bed. He only makes me have orgasms two or three times every night.  That's not quite the average is it? Plus he likes oral sex and he goes down on me even when I don't feel like doing anything and he makes me cum in about two minutes instead of taking his time...
 
If my guru is giving me experiences of unity which make me feel like I'm cumming in my brain and golden balls are ringing through the nether realms like a huge hit of crack cocaine, then yeah, I'm really going to tell you guys. I ain't giving that sort of guru away to nobody. Nor that kind of wife. Nor that kind of husband. Nor that kind of drug.
 
So keep your phoney guru.  If you can think clearly enough after his darshan to put his bhakti into well formed sentences then my guess is that you have done some Photoshop on your brain, not just on your miracle photos.
 
 


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