Re: [FairfieldLife] Re: Judgemental Views

[Llundrub]

----- Original Message ----- From: Peter To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com Sent: Saturday, July 30, 2005 6:52 AM Subject: Re: [FairfieldLife] Re: Judgemental Views --- akasakasha <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: snip > > Peter then asks that I "Next time just call[him] > fuck-face and things > will be clearer for  all of us. My two main posts > were not hostile to > Peter. I thought they were collegial. He then finds > hostility and > phantom attackers somewhere in the written words, a > hostility > sufficient that one would call him a fuck face. > Huh???!!  Where does > this come from inside Peter? Okay....I thought about this for awhile and I think I came upon why this is happening and this entire exchange demonstrates the point. Sometimes you say something to somebody with no intent to insult or offend the other. But the other person is offended by what you say. For instance I'll say something to my wife and she's offended by it. I only know she's offended by it because she tells me so. There is no intent in my communication to offend her, but she is offended. How can that happen? My words mean  one thing to her and something different to me. When I work with couples, this happhappens the time. The real mess starts if one or both people insist that the intent of their communication is the only meaning that occuoccurredis is what is happening between AkasAkasha myself. AkasAkashaat I see happening with the "tacky" communication is that you are teasing out all the possible logical implications of the communication: a quasi deconstruction. If this is done with any communication you end up with a welter of meanings that  will contradict one another in many instances. The intent of my "tacky" communication was not to insult the DimiDimickswever, it is quite easy to deconstruct the communication and logically arrive at the meaning both you and Judy came to. What sticks in my craw is your privprivilegingr meaning over my intent and then ,it seems, insisting that this is the actual/real/true meaning of my communication. You then go on to question  why I'm saying "these things"-these things being the logical implication that now has been marked by you as the intent of my communication. I try to say that I didn't mean that and you say that I did. Obviously this is going to irritate me. For example, I find many of your responses to me to be dripping in passive-aggressive sarcasm. To me you seem to be angry at me and waiting for any opportunity to discount me (thus the "fuck face" comment). You are flabbergasted at some of my responses to you. Well, that is what your responses initially mean to me. But when you state that you had no intention of insulting me and I re-read your post, then I understand, to a greater degree, the intention of your post. I still find the comments offending, but now I understand that your intent was not to insult me so I just chalk it up to miscmiscommunicationen this occurs between us or between anybody, the miscmiscommunications not lie in one person only ("...where does this come from inside Peter?") but is the result of the non-identical,assumptive or "meaning" generating world of both people. > > > > > > To subscribe, send a message to: > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > Or go to: > httphttproups.yahoo.com/group/FairFairfieldLife and click 'Join This Group!' > Yahoo! Groups Links > > === message truncated === __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS  Visit your group "FairfieldLife" on the web.    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:  [EMAIL PROTECTED]    Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.