This might sound trite in the middle of what you're going through, but death will rip your heart wide open. The body is rotting, the mind is barely functioning; no pretense or defense of anything. Only that primal, raw open love of I to Thou.
--- sparaig <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > --- In [email protected], "authfriend" > <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > wrote: > > --- In [email protected], "sparaig" > <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > wrote: > > > --- In [email protected], > "authfriend" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > > wrote: > > > > --- In [email protected], > "sparaig" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > > wrote: > > > > <snip> > > > > > Might be. Very stressful times right now and > my ability to > read > > is > > > > > not where it usually is. > > > > > > > > Sorry to hear. Sending positive thoughts your > way. > > > > > > Thanks. I BELIEVE that I'm doing better than my > brother, who is > the > > > official caretaker of my mother currently. He's > going completely > > > bonkers, IMHO. > > > > There should be support systems available, if you > > can get him to avail himself of them. On the Web, > > if not accessible within the community. Is this > in > > Tucson? > > We've hired a in-home hospice service... > > > > > I'm going through somewhat the same thing with my > > sister taking care of *our* mother. She thinks > she > > ought to be able to do it without help. I don't > > understand that mindset. If it were me, I'd take > > all the help I could get. > > Everyone in the family is helping out. My brother > believes in "right > to die" a tad too strongly is all. Withholding > cancer treatment > because she's 89, has extremely advanced cancer that > we only learned > about a few days ago and an unknown number of hours > or months to live > is one thing. Withholding medicine that regularizes > her heart because > you don't want to prolong her life is another. The > hospice nurse in > charge of our case, the hospice physician, my > mother's doctor, his > girlfriend, my ex, AND I have all told him that that > kind of med > doesn't really prolong life, but only keeps her > heart beating more > regularly so she'll be less anxious and probably > less confused has > just gone right past him. > > He's in charge of her medical treatment and she gets > nothing but what > he says. For a few days he was only letting her have > pain meds. He > finally learned that one of those other pills was a > laxitive and > started giving it to her. Since she went into the > hospital with > breathing difficulties (they thought she had > pnuemonia but found out > 3 liters of liquid were *outside* her lung which had > completely > collapsed by the time we brought her in -she doesn't > have lung > cancer, BTW --this is just a side effect of her > abdominal cancer), > she hasn't had any prunes or any other natural > laxitive. I'm not sure > she has had a bowell movement since her collapse. > > A few days ago, i found myself standing barefoot in > her piss, while > putting her screaming in the porta-potty next to her > bed. Great fun. > Yesterday my ex and I were trying to pry a turd from > her ass so we > could put her back to bed. Even more fun. Enemas > will probably be > given today if she survives long enough. > > Last night I peeked in and found she'd taken off her > O2 nose-piece > and all her clothes. Tried to get her to drink > something. She nodded > slightly and put the straw in her mouth but I don't > think she drank > anything. My brother tried and says she drank > something but who > knows? We didn't try to get her dressed and just > covered her up and > left her alone. She dozes or doesn't doze regardless > of who is in the > room now. Doesn't really notice anyone much any > more. > > > As I said, I'm doing much better than my brother. At > least I have > some way of relaxing and i've been on prozac for a > few years anyway. > He's just withering while I watch, and making more > and more stupid > mistakes in the family business as she gets worse. > > *I* managed to pass my japanese class in this middle > of her final > collapse (after four tries for this level) though I > had to take the > oral final over the phone because I couldn't stand > the cheerful mood > of the rest of the class. Couldn't get my partner on > the phone and > had to go to class and make my excuses directly > after spending much > of the night in the ER. Even more great fun. > > I would like to ask all the "awakened ones" on this > group about how > many have had similar "stories" in their lives, and > how many were > already awake when they happened? How's your bliss > while standing in > your mother's piss while putting her on the pot? > > > > > ------------------------ Yahoo! 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