Yesterday, I was back at the cranial-sacral guy, who is apparently also visited by loving "beings" here and there who ask permission to help him. He is the "cleanest", kindest, most non-judgmental gentle person I have ever met, has many years of experience, has studied with many different people, and he is fully dedicated to his healing work which extends beyond just the "cranial-sacral" modality.
I was having a hard time quieting my brain down and feeling my body and have in general been in a lot of physical/mental/emotional pain of late, feeling like there is a concrete stone pressing on my heart/chest, feeling increasingly very heavy, dark, angry, uncomfortable, and somewhat desperate and panic-stricken. Instead of addressing the core reasons and/or the subconscious belief system/negative messages/patterns that run below the surface, I have been doing what I can to escape from my body/my self - an odd combination of healthy and unhealthy practices, if I do say so myself - relieving symptoms temporarily, creating more symptoms, and marking time waiting for the other shoe to drop. So, there I was yesterday, lying on the table, attempting to focus on my breath and connect with the earth's energy and feel myself in my body, and I noticed that the cranial-sacral guy seemed to be working on me with real intensity, working on my head, pressing on my heart area, etc. The energy in the room was almost palpable. All of a sudden, I opened my eyes to see him acting like he was pulling something out of my torso area and I felt a "whoosh" sound, without the sound. Almost instantaneously, I felt substantially lighter and grounded and the thought came to me that I have to start helping my practitioners help me - I have to start taking responsibility for my recovery (so to speak) - I have to transform the way I exist on the planet. I have to stop punishing myself and start affirming my right to exist and live. I want to give something back before I die. He told me he removed a "negative entity" that was inhabiting me. He is not the first practitioner to energetically remove dark energy from me. Whether I manifest this myself or whether I allow some other "entity" to inhabit my being/body, I don't know, nor do I care. I was simultaneously giddy and exhausted and energized from the experience, which makes very little sense. But, for me, I don't need to transcend, I need to transform. Although using certain definitions, they are one and the same. I want to inhabit my body and empower my spirit. The negative beliefs I have about myself are false, a self-destructive illusion, but they still run the show more times than not. It is my responsibility to claim my right to exist on this planet and align myself in a way that respects myself and others and reflects personal integrity and honesty. The kids deserve it, but equally as important is the idea that I deserve it as well.
