dear Ravi, probably she was just scared. You can seem wild sometimes and women, especially those wanting to have children, look to a man for both inner and outer stability. Maybe she'll get to know you better and see that in you. Your devotion is inspiring and I can relate to it's either the beloved or no one else. And I've got that dang Rahu in the seventh so I realize maybe it's best if I just forego all that and just be a crone henceforth (-:
________________________________ From: Ravi Chivukula <chivukula.r...@gmail.com> To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com Sent: Wednesday, November 7, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Re: [FairfieldLife] Re: Amma's trip to California Dear Share - yes I clearly have gotten old, I also am more Vata whereas I was thoroughly Pitta before - I also have shed 25 pounds since the last 3 years but just to reassure I haven't been this healthy before. Thanks for your suggestions - I just want to comment on your statement "she probably doesn't deserve you". I don't believe in that statement - neither in my case or anyone else's. The story is too complicated, I obviously don't like to talk about it publicly other than the brief references because writing about it makes me feel better. The bottom line is if there is grace of the existence then the relationship will come to fruition but the fact is she was doing fine apparently till she ran into me, I was the one who was smitten by her, wooed her and when she reciprocated I scarred her and she bore the brunt of all my craziness which is an inevitable product of my mystical highs. Though I myself was innocent, consider myself as the sanest, stablest person in this whole world - she is totally justified if she sees as me as a crazy and a dangerous person. Anyway in my case, after all this - I don't think I will ever try to entertain the possibility of a relationship with any other woman again. I'm done - either it's her or I just stay single. On Wed, Nov 7, 2012 at 5:31 PM, Share Long <sharelon...@yahoo.com> wrote: > >dear Ravi, I guess you're getting old like the rest of us and that's why >you've gotten more sensitive to the cold. Maybe add ginger to food to stoke >up the ole agni. Layer up which can be a very fashionable look. > > > >I love Ann Arbor but have only seen Amma in Iowa. October is my favorite fall >month and the jyotishis tell me it is because I was Indian in a previous life >and that is when all the holy days occur. > > > >I don't know all the details of the situation, why you have a lawyer lined up, >etc. Here's my advice nonetheless: follow your heart and soul about this. >If you don't feel grace behind it, then wait until you do. As for your >beloved, tell her exactly about your dilemma as you told us. Such >vulnerability and honesty is bound to touch her heart. If it doesn't, she >probably doesn't deserve you. > > >Ok, after I send this I'm saying the ancestral prayers for you and your sons. >Share > > >________________________________ > From: Ravi Chivukula <chivukula.r...@gmail.com> >To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com >Sent: Wednesday, November 7, 2012 6:48 PM >Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Amma's trip to California > > > > >"And Nov 1998 was when I first visited her in San Ramon, California." > > >No, it was actually Nov 1997, my ex was pregnant with my older boy. I visited >Amma every November except I believe in 2006 when I was in her ashram in >India. I was living in Seattle when I first visited California - called the >airlines a couple of days before - the roundtrip to Oakland airport - $135. >Aah, those beautiful days of air travel. > > >I also remember her first trip to Michigan - Nov 1999. I was part of her Ann >Arbor Satsang 1996-97 so I did lot of seva - shuttling people. It was cold, >raining, snowing and my body was frozen by the time I was done. Yet I never >owned a jacket back in those days, I loved the cold weather - now I feel cold >here in California if it's 50 or less. > >On Wed, Nov 7, 2012 at 4:23 PM, Ravi Chivukula <chivukula.r...@gmail.com> >wrote: > >Damn - I just realized not everyone here would be familiar with Amma's trip in >November to US. >> >> >>She visits Michigan and San Ramon, CA around Thanksgiving every year. While >>she just confirmed her trip to Michigan today her San Ramon, California trip >>is unconfirmed yet. >> >> >>November is my favorite time of the year and her November tours were >>favorites of mine so I'm a bit nostalgic I suppose. All my major milestones >>with my mystical experiences were around her tour dates in November, the >>prominent ones in 2002, 2009 & 2011. And Nov 1998 was when I first visited >>her in San Ramon, California. >> >> >>On Wed, Nov 7, 2012 at 4:14 PM, Ravi Chivukula <chivukula.r...@gmail.com> >>wrote: >> >>I'm still hoping Amma avoids coming to California so I'm relieved of my >>burden, distress and dilemma. But she can't apparently make her damn mind up. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>>I have an attorney lined up, 20 grand saved for a potential lawsuit and >>>hopeful that some media space will materialize, so I can follow-up on my >>>public declarations. >>> >>> >>>Now what if she decides at the last minute to come to California? Should I >>>go ahead and initiate the process anyway? But I seriously don't want to, I >>>don't even feel reality's grace and support behind such an action. And the >>>cause of my dilemma, distress - a certain someone whose grace, favor I hope, >>>fantasize to earn and one who still believes in Amma - so I want to be >>>respectful to her beliefs yet I likely did disrespect that by being inspired >>>to speak against Amma back in August. But this inspiration had the grace, >>>support of reality - yet why do I feel I have been so screwed? And it's not >>>like I don't love Amma or her devotees, I don't even have any personal >>>complaints against her - damn I still listen to her Bhajans when I'm in the >>>mood to sing to Hindu gods yet I didn't speak anything but the truth. >>> >>> >>>Damn - anyway, just venting - not that anyone can help me in this regard. >>> >>> >>>Ravi >> > > >
