Ann, wonderfully insightful post to Share. You pitched her softballs right 
across the plate. Too bad the batter remains on the sidelines.

--- In, "Ann" <awoelflebater@...> wrote:
> --- In, Share Long <sharelong60@> wrote:
> >
> > Ann, I've been working on this during Saturday morning, as I can.  I do 
> > read your posts.  Sometimes I skim longer posts no matter who the poster 
> > is.  Anyway, I especially chortled at your quip about my fat ball working 
> > so good that you're calling it my mind.  And my faith in humanity etc. was 
> > totally restored by your recent posts to Steve and your humorous but 
> > unmalicious comments to various peeps
> "Totally restored", well that is no small thing. Imagine. But, did I also 
> make you totally lose your "faith in humanity"? At any rate, I am glad you 
> are feeling better about the human race and about me.
> .  Plus the wonderful exchange between you and Xeno. 
> Yes, that was a good exercise for me and with someone who I find is without 
> intent to smack you down while interacting. That can be a nice reprieve 
> around here sometimes. 
> > 
> > Now, about past posts as you discuss below, what to say?  I think you also 
> > made some good points and were IMO writing in a balanced way which I 
> > appreciate a lot.      
> > 
> > 
> > But perhaps we should cut to the chase about my accusing Robin of 
> > psychological rape.  BTW, did you notice that in a recent exchange with 
> > Curtis Robin himself used that term in relation to you?  But maybe he was 
> > being ironic.  I often can't tell. 
> I just looked that paragraph up and he was being ironic but he was also 
> giving a nod, a quiet acknowledgment of what he knows I went through, what 
> many went through and consequently (my reading) what he has gone through. I 
> do not think Robin is under any delusions about the power of what many 
> experienced during their time 25-35 years ago that was often hurtful and even 
> damaging. It is a complex subject Share, and a personal one.
> > 
> > And did you see where Judy said to Steve that sometimes Robin pushes people 
> > so that they become more interesting to interact with?  With reference to 
> > that, I would say that psychological
> >  rape
> >  is pushing WAY too much.
> Well it would be if something WAS actually psychological rape. Just for one 
> minute let me explore, on the spot, what I would define psychological rape to 
> mean. Physical rape is the violation of a person's (man or woman as rape 
> victim) body, in particular the sexual organs of one or more people are 
> forced upon another unwilling to engage sexually with the violator. During a 
> rape there is penetration and often violence in the form of bruising, 
> cutting, bleeding. The rape victim is traumatized and brutalized and often 
> carries these psychological and perhaps physical scars with them their entire 
> lives from that moment on.
> So, let's see if we can figure out the equivalent scenario with psychological 
> rape. Right off the bat, I am having trouble being able to call almost 
> anything "rape" when it comes to the mind. I think one can be manipulated, 
> brainwashed, undermined to the point of panic and loss of self worth. Someone 
> can say an infinite amount of things to us that can generate an almost 
> infinite amount of reactions in us. Can they "rape our minds"? I guess if we 
> let them "in" they could. There are certainly lots of people with terrible 
> intentions who love the idea of disturbing the psychology of another. But 
> here is the thing, physically we can be overpowered but mentally? No one can 
> force their way into your mind, at least not in the same way as they can your 
> body. But, of course, it can come down to semantics here and one could 
> definitely make an argument for a psychological rape having happened to them. 
> But it would have to be more than just, "He raped my psychologically."  But, 
> you have explained what you meant in the next paragraph:
>   And as I said last
> >  year, what I meant by psychological rape is that Robin continually and 
> > without equivocation, attributed thoughts and feelings to me that I wasn't 
> > having.  That's still how I define psychological rape and I still think 
> > Robin was doing that then. 
> Ohhhh. Well, I am not sure that "penetration" actually occurred then. I mean, 
> people do this here all the time Share. You and I could look at just the 
> posts today and attribute the same thing happening in over half of them. We 
> are always projecting on each other what we think others intentions and 
> feelings are/were when we read and respond to something they say. I dare say 
> Robin WAS attributing thoughts or feeliings he perceived you might have been 
> having at certain times. But I also believe the time in question was 
> something to do with some Russian flash mob thing and you took exception to 
> something he said but then he apologized and explained what he meant. You 
> have to admit, you won't find too many rapists doing THAT.
>  I think in the interest of moving past this, and the only way to do this is 
> to be truthful and honest to yourself (at least), is what? Perhaps to be 
> willing to retract or admit where maybe it got blown way out of proportion? I 
> am not sure Share because you have to do what only you know to be right if, 
> in fact, you do anything at all. But I do know, and I know you do too (oops, 
> attributing), that you have to do or say or think what you can best determine 
> is the most "right" for you , right now.
> > 
> > OTOH I wish I hadn't got so upset with him then and also on Sept 6.
> Interesting day for me, September 6. That is the day my sister drowned over 
> 27 years ago.
>   I also wish that he had acted differently.  I also wish that Judy had 
> acted differently, and you and Emily and Ravi and RD.
> What did we do? Perhaps life/people were merely acting as a kind of echo 
> chamber or sounding board or created a sort of instantaneous feedback 
> mechanism. Not that I mean any of the people you mentioned were necessarily 
> right but just that they DID respond and you can use that kind of thing to 
> figure things out. Think of it as one of those hard-to-take life lessons. 
> Again, not that these people necessarily meant to give you a lesson but 
> whatever happened, happened and you can run with it and get something 
> positive from it.
>   I now realize that we were all doing the best that we could.  And I think 
> you and Emily and I would act differently now because I've seen us do just 
> that.  I definitely don't think Judy would act differently.  And I'm not 
> sure if Robin would act differently.
> Well, I think here you are looking around at an awful lot of people when all 
> you really need to be looking at is yourself. Everybody else has their own 
> challenges, problems, things to keep them busy in this rather interesting 
> life. Keep it focused where it needs to be. You can't control anyone else and 
> I think it is hard enough to figure out what you want to do, just for 
> yourself, let alone worrying about what others are getting up to or learning 
> from some event.
> > 
> > Questions:  what do YOU think I should do at this point, especially given 
> > what you and Robin think about my apologies?  And do you think any attempt 
> > at reconciliation should be done online or offline?
> I think life is a process. I think you have to do what you know, in your 
> heart and gut, to be right. At this point it may well be nothing. But I do 
> know that there is a perfect answer out there and I am not the one to be able 
> to give it to you. Reconciliation is a good thing. Empty apologies are not. 
> Reconciliation is only possible if you had to travel somewhere to reach those 
> really important places in yourself that would allow you to move past where 
> you are now - somewhere new and probably unknown. I think the fact that you 
> made this post is a great indication of a willingness to take all the crazy, 
> interesting, volatile feedback we experience at FFL and make something 
> delicious out of it - like fresh sourdough bread for instance.
> > Share     
> > 
> > Part of what Ann wrote in thread called parsing a la FFL archives:
> > I agree that posts are a snapshot in time of a moment, an opinion, a 
> > reaction, an interaction, belief or emotion or a combination of the 
> > above. A post was/could be valid for whoever wrote it at the time they 
> > were writing. Posts are not something that need to haunt, condemn or 
> > limit us as human beings. We can change our minds, our views; our 
> > emotions come and go (as you state below). I think what I object to on 
> > occasion, and this applies generally, is when someone fails to admit 
> > that they did say something or were feeling a certain way as clearly 
> > evidenced by their thoughts in words in their writing. One can regret 
> > having written something or they can explain it or they can admit 
> > certain things or they can fight like crazy to try and make it seem like
> >  the post was somehow 'lying'. I am someone who likes others to be 
> > truthful about their motives or their opinions and to admit if these 
> > have changed or were, in fact, what they appeared to be at the time of 
> > their posting. If there was a misunderstanding between posters then work
> >  it out. I think 25% of what become arguments here are based on 
> > misunderstandings and not some malevolent intention by members here.
> > snip
> > I think Judy has a very clear and analytical mind. I would want her on 
> > my side if it came down to a court of law and I was on trial. But I 
> > don't think Judy believes Robin to have been "helpless victim" in your 
> > interaction. 
> > 
> > 
> > ________________________________
> >  From: Ann <awoelflebater@>
> > To: 
> > Sent: Saturday, April 20, 2013 9:01 AM
> > Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Post Count Sat 20-Apr-13 00:15:02 UTC
> >  
> > 
> > 
> >   
> > --- In, Share Long <sharelong60@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Buck, congratulations about the new lambs.  Now about this FFL as 
> > > European soccer league suggestion, here's another idea:  DON'T READ 
> > 
> > Ah, but where is your optimism for the future? Your faith in humanity? Your 
> > willingness to be shown a former curmudgeon is, in fact, a really kind and 
> > loving person? Does this mean you might be left with only person's posts to 
> > read in a few weeks? Is this what a true warrior princess would do? Does 
> > this mean you don't read my posts?! Or are you just giving Buck sage 
> > advice? (Just goofing around with you Share, don't take me seriously.)
> > 
> >   Duh!  Bob's your uncle!  I threw in that last sentence because I 
> > learned it from my British buddy and Britain is sort of European.  Also 
> > dear Buck, there has been a local pizza chain in Iowa City called Bob's 
> > Your Uncle.  All in all, everything's nicely unified dontcha think?
> > > Waving at you from Bamgambhrini,
> > > Share behind the Sweet Spot
> > > _______________________________
> > >  From: Buck <dhamiltony2k5@>
> > > To: 
> > > Sent: Friday, April 19, 2013 11:09 PM
> > > Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Post Count Sat 20-Apr-13 00:15:02 UTC
> > > 
> > Dear FFL owner;  how's about if you won't drop the post limit to 30 posts 
> > per week and thereby improve the posting environment here that way we then 
> > treat this problem here like they do in European soccer leagues and send 
> > top posters to the bottom league and bring some bottom posters to the top. 
> > [?]  Like, look at last week's top posters.  Out of common courtesy anyone 
> > with any decency would have taken their personal bickering and conversation 
> > like that off-list between themselves privately.  But say to protect the 
> > FFL list we proactively re-set the postings such that the top posters, say 
> > the top three (3) posters and send them to the bottom for the next week; of 
> > any one week that the preceding week's top three posters make only posts 
> > just as much as the bottom three posters of the preceding week here.
> >

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