Oh please - I hope Zee Know doesn't read this because he will fucking send this through a word compactor - replace Chuck with Robin and re-post it.
Very funny though :-) On Sun, Apr 28, 2013 at 4:40 AM, Jason <jedi_sp...@yahoo.com> wrote: > ** > > > Features <http://www.thehindu.com/features/> » Sunday > Magazine<http://www.thehindu.com/features/magazine/> > > > Sir Chuck Norris > ANANTHA NARAYAN > > It all began in the summer of 2005, when Ian Spector invited > people to make up their own fun facts about Chuck Norris for > a humour section in his website. Overnight the satirical > factoids became e-mail forwards and thus was born the god of > all gods. > > From a B-grade action movie star, Chuck Norris became the > omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent superhero who could > do no wrong. Every aspect of his deadpan persona became > grist for some rip roaring hyperboles. Here's a selection of > the sparklers that was later recycled as 'original' > Rajnikant and Sir Jadeja jokes. > > "Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone." > > Violence is an integral part of the Texas Ranger's charm. > Naturally, fans tripped over one another to compose hosannas > around his fear factor. That's how 'Chuck Norris can hit you > so hard, your blood will bleed', 'He doesn’t shower, he only > takes blood baths', 'He can make a happy meal cry' kind of > bombast came into being. The impossibility of taking a panga > with Chuck was best captured by this punch line: 'Once a > cobra bit his leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the > cobra died.' > > "Chuck Norris can speak Braille." > > To create a megastar aura, the protagonist must breach the > wall of credulity. Chuck Norris, by definition being larger > than larger-than-life, was credited with absurdly > jaw-dropping feats to bolster the image of The Amazing One. > Which is why we get to hear of accomplishments like: "Chuck > Norris can delete the recycle bin", 'He can make the onions > cry', 'He can play the violin with a piano', 'He can kill > two stones with one bird' and 'He can squeeze orange juice > out of a lemon'! > > "Chuck Norris' blood type is AK-47." > > Fearlessness is another key element in myth making. > Jokesters of the Chuck cult did their bit to perpetuate this > misimpression. The story goes that when young Chuck Norris > was in middle school his English teacher asked him to pen an > essay on 'What is Courage?' The little boy thought for a > nanosecond, scribbled only his name on the blank answer > sheet and submitted that as his piece. The gobsmacked > teacher gave him an A+. > > "Chuck Norris runs on his treadmill until the treadmill gets > tired." > > Incredible physical deeds offer one more valve for > generating laughs. Stuff such as 'Chuck Norris beat the sun > in a staring contest', 'He once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 > minutes, 14 of which was spent on building a snowman at the > bottom', and 'Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth > and boils the water with his own rage' provide clues as to > why 'Superman wears the Chuck Norris suit'. > > "Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a Cyclops > between the eye." > > Chuck is an icon among nerds as he offers the perfect > algorithm for expressing cerebral wit. So, be it the > chemistry laden "Chuck Norris doesn’t recognise the periodic > table, because the only element he recognises is the element > of surprise" or the biological 'Oxygen requires Chuck Norris > to live', or even the very mathematical 'Chuck Norris > counted to infinity, twice', the geek always has the last > laugh. > > "Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the s**t > out of it." > > Word play is on steroids when the subject is Mr. Norris. > 'The only reason Thor is the god of lightning is because > Chuck Norris stole his thunder' and 'His daughter lost her > virginity, he got it back' are some samplers that go to > prove the adage that 'Chuck can inject some fun even into a > funeral'. > > -- > > > > >
