Saul! What are you doing in Farmtown, USA? What does it look like I'm doing, Morty? I'm trying to read the local newspaper. Betty Lou just got engaged to her high school sweetheart Big Joe.
Huh? Look Saul let me give you my elevator pitch on another idea. In case you haven't noticed Morty, there are no elevators in this town. Just flat flat and more flat. Sigh, ok, let's hear it. I call it The Ex Patted. Ah, Morty, a short title that speaks volumes. I like it already. Say more. It's about a 60 something guy Neal A. List living outside the US. And what can I say, Saul, he's got issues. He's terrified of needing attention. He's terrified of being boring. He's terrified of not leaving his mark on the world. He's an elitist and perfectionist and life is good. But only as long as it lives up to those standards of his that he's so attached to and identified with. I guess we could say he's terrified of being an ordinary human. I don't know, Morty, will audiences be able to identify with this guy? Saul, what can I say? Aren't you already? ha ha! Cute, Morty! Tell you what. Let's make him hate astrology and all that New Age stuff and I think we got a winner. Saul, you're a genius. Hey, maybe this small town living is good for you. Morty, don't put a kabash on our new partnership! ________________________________ From: turquoiseb <no_re...@yahoogroups.com> To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com Sent: Thursday, September 5, 2013 11:19 PM Subject: [FairfieldLife] True Attention This post never "came back" from the Yahoo! black hole yesterday, so I'll try again because I had so much fun writing it... Overheard in a cafe on Ile Saint-Louis this morning: "Saul? Is that you? How amazing to run into you here in Paris. What are you doing here?" "Knock it off, Morty. I saw you earlier stalking me outside my hotel, and following me here. You probably stalked me here all the way from L.A. What do you want?" "That was *your* hotel? I wasn't stalking you...I was...uh...just looking through the garbage cans to see whether Parisians recycle. Yeah, that's the ticket." "Cut to the chase, Morty. What the fuck do you want?" "I want to pitch you a story idea for a new series, Saul. I know that you're interested in new ideas, original ideas, so I'm bringing it to you first, even though a bunch of other producers are already bugging me about it." "Yeah, right. But OK, I'm in a good mood, and the *real* writer I'm waiting for isn't due for a few minutes, so you've got that long to give me your 'elevator pitch.'" "Thanks, Saul. I call it 'True Attention.' It's a story about a bunch of vampires who live in Faux Temps, Iowa and survive by sucking attention from other people." "Iowa? It sounds more like L.A." "Yeah, we could probably set it in L.A. if you wanted. Anyway, the main character is named Nookie Snackhouse, and she's *not* a vamp. But she is half fey...sort of a closet fey...and she has this ability to read people's minds, and know what their real thoughts and intentions are even better than the people whose minds she's reading do." "She sounds like a real pain in the ass. But go on...where do the vamps fit into all of this?" "Well, first, they're not real vamps, like in that other series that this one is nothing like. They don't feed on blood or anything. Instead, just as you noted, they feed off of attention. Being unable to generate any kind of energy themselves, they suck it from other people by getting them to focus on them." "So how do they do this? Do they, for example, stalk these victims whose attention they want to steal halfway around the world and corner them in a sidewalk cafe?" "No, no...nothing like that. Heh heh...good one, Saul. What they do, since none of these attention vamps have actually ever DONE anything in their lives that would attract the attention they feed off of, they get people to focus on them by insulting them, trying to portray them as stupid, and calling them names." "And that works?" "More than you might think. Many of the vamps in Faux Temps have been running this number for *years*, and have managed to get a *lot* of people to focus on them and give them their attention so that they can feed off of it. And all without ever DOING anything to deserve that attention in the first place." "I don't get it...they accomplish all this just by insulting people?" "Not *just* insulting people. Sometimes they make up stories about themselves and try to convince others that those stories are real. For example, they brag about their 'endarkenment,' or imply that they're successes in life even though they've never been anything but wage slaves. That's where Nookie comes in." "The suspense is killing me. Do tell..." "Well, as I said, Nookie is *not* one of these vamps per se, and in fact is even less interesting than they are and has DONE even less in her life than they have, but she can read their thoughts and so she knows when they're bullshitting to attract attention and when they're not." "Aha. So she busts them when she catches them lying?" "No, not at all. That's the twist. She ignores their bullshit, and instead praises them so that they'll focus on HER. When they do that, she sucks *their* attention. So in effect, she's got all these attention vampires *working for her*, stealing attention and energy from other people, and then passing it along to her by focusing on her. Brilliant, right?" "Sounds boring to me. Who on earth would tune in each week to watch a bunch of people who have never DONE anything in their lives try to suck attention, as if they were the center of the universe?" "Hey, Saul...don't knock it...it worked for 'Seinfeld.'" "Good point." "So? Ya interested?" "Not really. Got anything else?" "Well, I am working on another completely original treatment called 'Freaking Mad.' It's about a mild-mannered meditation teacher who starts selling black-market enlightenment..." "Nice talking to you, Morty. But I see a real writer approaching, so buzz off. Give my secretary a call when you get back to L.A. We won't do lunch."
