Good show, Emily (and Ravi). Nicely and lovingly done. ---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <emilymaenot@...> wrote:
Well, I just received notice from Ravi that he has forgiven me for my part in this debacle. Thank you Ravi, I was seriously feeling the pain of my behavior on this one and I am glad we were able to clear the air. The best to you. Love, Em. ---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <emilymaenot@...> wrote: Dear Emptybill, you sneaky SOB. I think you may have set me up and I fell for it, and in the process, I inadvertently threw my friend Ravi under the proverbial bus, which is not a very friendly thing to do. I am writing this post to make a formal amends to Ravi, now that the line between FFL and personal life has been crossed with respect to he and I. Ravi has always dealt with me honestly, sincerely, and without prejudice. He took the time, back when I first posted here of my experience with Amma, to respond and discuss it with me clearly and objectively and he has always treated me with respect and consideration. He has taken the time to explain things to me I was curious about, given my ignorance of all things "India" and "Hindu." Last summer, he was coming through Seattle, and we met in person and spent several hours walking along the waterfront, shooting the breeze and looking for shade, on one of the hottest days of the season. There will be no pictures posted; I wouldn't want to give Share an opportunity to disparage my looks and choice of clothing in a fit of mean-spirited pique. Ravi is an open, friendly, warm, perceptive, accepting, highly intelligent person with a quick wit and a generous spirit and I was glad to meet him. He has integrity as a human being and works hard to support his family. To set the record straight, the post I replied to 2 days ago that you addressed to me included allegations against Ravi that were above and beyond what is fair and decent to ascribe to another person. I replied in a neutral and inane and selective and self-centered way to the post because: 1) I had not followed the conversation between the two of you beyond the point where I acknowledged his presence back on FFL and; 2) I was mentally fatigued and energetically compromised after spending most of that day participating in trying to explain the concept of "common human decency" to Share. I did not do my friend Ravi justice in my reply to you. Conversations on FFL give rise to many types of communication styles. It is not a communication mode that would lend itself to approval in certain environments, such as the corporate one. I know this; I spent many years in that environment and yes, depending on the job position one might be applying for, they would check one's online presence, Facebook page, etc. and they would not likely understand the context of this forum. With respect to myself, I am admittedly, moderately paranoid (depending on the day and situation) about my privacy; I was lynched more than once in the world of corporate politics. I do keep a subjective boundary between FFL and my real life; it is internally less rigid than it first was, but it is there and it will remain, as a general rule. Now, to address these recent posts. Emptybill, one thing that I value in others is a level of integrity that allows for honest, if not always easy conversation, when feelings are hurt and behavior is perceived as suspect. It breeds trust and a maturity that allows for forgiveness when we, as human beings, screw up. Ravi and I have corresponded about my response to you, given what I know of Ravi, and his words to you about me, given what he knows of me. First, the easy things. 1) Emptybill, you and Ravi corresponded offline; that is between the two of you. You posted a private email last night (yes, Ann, you were correct) to FFL without acknowledging it as such. This confused me; I thought it was one of the posts I had missed and I was annoyed that it breached my boundary between my personal life and FFL. Re: the following statement of Ravi's. Re: "And don't be so desperate. Emily's a personal friend of mine and she knows me very well, and she's laughing behind your back - Don't embarrass and humiliate yourself." What I said last night in my response to this is true. I was not laughing behind your back, nor was I involved in any way in the correspondence between the two of you. Ravi has acknowledged that he exaggerated this point, because he was so upset at certain of your allegations (which I will get to), and he has apologized to me. I accept his apology. 2) Regarding my posts back to you on the now deleted thread. I don't have these to refer to, however, in those posts you alleged or at the very least, implied, that Ravi had, in a sinister fashion, emailed your wife offline and you intimated that he was harassing and stalking you and your family, also offline. You presented what you said, as I recollect, by asking "how I would feel if this were to happen to me and my daughters." In my response to you, I wrote a reply that, in general, empathized with the fear of losing one's privacy. I took the easy route out that night, in the wake of my fatigue in dealing that day with Share's incoherent mind and lack of integrity. This was a fuck-up on my part, because I do *know* Ravi and we have been *friends* and certainly, his situation and the allegations towards him should have been a priority for me, as I value his friendship and I also consider myself, normally, a loyal friend, and I am careful about who I let into my circle. Ravi meets the bar. By my lack of action and my not opposing or questioning or calling you on your outrageous allegations against Ravi, I failed to support or do justice to the man I know. I do not feel good about how that went down, in my heart or gut. Those allegations spoke to his integrity as a person and they rise to a level that greatly exceeds my annoyance around the breaching of my FFL boundary. For the record, I do not believe that Ravi engaged in such behavior with you, your wife, or your daughters. Your allegations imply a pattern of behavior that could or would have occurred over time, offline, that does not jibe in any way with who Ravi is. (Note: I do not perceive the FFL-style sparring as anything but that.) I do not condone the manner in which you subconsciously played on my fear around my privacy and my family. My generic reply to you appeared like a tacit acquiescence that such a thing could be true of Ravi and that is where the hurt occurred between the two of us (he and I). It was a grievous error on my part, because I do know him. My responsibility to him as a friend is higher than that of an anonymous online acquaintance. Your implied and real defamation of Ravi's character and integrity as a human being was unwarranted and unfair and inaccurate in scope and definition. I would like to extend a formal and public apology to Ravi for my behavior in this matter; I fucked this one up. Sincerely, Emily.
