Dear Feste, good morning to you too.  Did your girlfriend stay over?  Wait, 
that's kind of personal, I don't really want to know...just joshin' you.  I 
totally understand how you would come to the conclusion you have about 
Sharester - she is what I call an "uber passive aggressive" type.  Her 
initiates plenty towards Judy; hence my begging her to leave Judy alone and 
come after me when she's feeling like expressing some of her anger 
inappropriately.  It *is* my turn, after all.  She's too scared though.  She 
knows I'll ask her how she's feeling and that will upset her thought process.  
Smile. She's not the kind of woman to act on her own and she's not clear when 
it comes to me who her backup is.  No matter, the offer stands. I don't blame 
someone either for choosing to hit back...but gratuitous sucker punches and 
back stabs are a cowardly way to do it, imho.  Have a good day.  Post some 
opera maybe?  Sincerely, Em

---In, <> wrote:

 Good morning, Em, My perception of the situation is that Share may respond to 
attacks but does not, for the most part, initiate them. She is more sinned 
against than sinning. I don't blame someone if they choose sometimes to hit 


 ---In, <emilymaenot@...> wrote:

 Dear Feste, this is an example of a letter, you as a good friend, should have 
addressed to Share, IMHO. Switch out the name "Share" for Judy or Ann, and 
you've got a letter to deliver to your friend Share.  Stated gently with loving 
kindness and concern for her well-being as a human being, of course.  

 All you said about her vile post to Ann was something like (and I 
paraphrase)...."I didn't particularly care for it, but she's a friend of mine 
and I am loyal to my friends."  Really?  I gave Ravi a bigger ration of shit 
than that and he gave me one as well.  And, I've only met him once.  

 Personally, I depend on my friends that I know in the flesh to tell me the 
truth and I do the same with them, and we respect and love and trust each other 
enough to do it and work on owning our own shit. 

 Blind loyalty is a waste of time.     


 ---In, <> wrote:

 You are as responsible as anyone else for creating an atmosphere of "mutual 
disrespect." Do you behave like this in your real, day-to-day life? Is that how 
you talk to people? I don't think so. The real dishonesty, the real lie, comes 
from you. I think you are dishonest with yourself. I suspect that the truth, as 
I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, is that you enjoy being mean. You enjoy 
hitting out at other people. My guess is that doing so assuages some of the 
anger that you feel and gives you some kind of safety valve that you find 
satisfying. You concoct this fake issue of dishonesty and pretend to yourself 
that you are the virtuous one, standing up for what is right. Unfortunately, 
the reality is that you are a person in the grip of some very deep-rooted 
obsessions that make you very difficult and unpleasant to deal with. Your 
behavior toward Share is a disgrace. It amounts to harassment, and I don't 
think this forum should put up with it. You wouldn't be able to do it on 
Facebook, yet you think you can do it here. You should either change your 
behavior or unsubscribe. 

 ---In, <authfriend@...> wrote:

 So you think lying is fine too?

 As I've said before, most folks here are honest. But there are still several 
Bad Apples (fortunately some of the worst ones have left) who have no 
inhibitions about lying--in particular, about other FFL members they don't 
like--and I think that is terribly destructive. It's the essence of unkindness. 
And it's hardly a matter of "old grudges" when it continues to this day.

 I have never been on a Web forum where lying was so complacently tolerated. 
But it breeds mutual disrespect and lowers standards of civility generally. I 
would be willing to bet that if there were less tolerance for lying, there 
would be a lot less unkindness overall.

 As I've said many times before, life is tough enough when everyone is doing 
their absolute damndest to be as honest as they possibly can. There's no excuse 
for making it tougher.

 IMHO, of course.

 ---In, <> wrote:

 I think people are pretty honest here. The only person who obsesses about 
lying is you. Your question to Buck is of course just a way of sidestepping the 
issue of "perpetual unkindness." I can see why you would want to do that, since 
you are the principal purveyor of it. You need to let go of all these old 
grudges and obsessions. They are negative attachments that do not serve you 


 ---In, <authfriend@...> wrote:

 How about the lying? You never mention the lying, Buck. Does that mean you 
think it's OK to lie? 
Buck huffed:

 You can't even hardly invite any civilized person to visit here to FFL with 
what perpetual unkindness has taken over here on this yahoo-group. It is simply 
appalling that this culture of low meanness and unkindness has got going here. 
It is no good to have in our house, But I fear most now for the very life of 
this entire list if this culture of unkindness is not checked.


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