Lament of the of the Winter Olympics Attendee:
"Chechnya to the left of me,
Georgia to the right,
here I am,
stuck in the Sochi with you!"
On 02/06/2014 06:22 AM, [email protected] wrote:
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* August 31, 2013
Dateline: Sochi <http://www.examiner.com/topic/sochi>, Russia
<http://www.examiner.com/topic/russia> --- February 8, 2014
The Olympic games in Sochi were cancelled after Russian authorities
arrested almost three-quarters of the athletes.
One of the first to be arrested was a Dutch speed skater whose iPod
contained the greatest hits of the Village People. He is currently
awaiting bail.
The entire US hockey team was arrested en masse, because the Russian
authorities deemed their jeans too tight. A clear sign of gayness,
according to one unnamed source at the FSB.
Every single competitor in the luge competition was arrested because
the authorities deemed their outfits "too kinky." Asked to clarify,
one security official said, "Uniform is revealing. Showing of bulges
makes us uncomfortable."
A French skier was arrested for wearing a scarf that one officer said
was "totally gay."
All members of the bobsled teams were arrested for what the Russian
authorities deemed "inappropriate touching, and sitting too close."
All male curling competitors were arrested. When reporters asked why,
a Russian security official just snorted and said, "Men with brooms?
Please...isn't it obvious?"
In a move that surprised everyone, all the freestyle skiers were
arrested as soon they stepped off the plane. One Russian member of
security said, "freestyle is a euphemism for "lifestyle" and we won't
have you polluting our youth with your "lifestyle."
And finally, the Estonian, Latvian and Lithuanian teams were all
arrested and immediately shipped to Siberia. When asked what they had
done wrong, one Russian official shrugged his shoulders, sighed and
said, "Nothing, old habits die hard."
