/It looks like we can safely file these comments in the fluff folder.
//Thanks.
>
/On 10/7/2014 9:19 AM, TurquoiseBee turquoi...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
wrote:
*From:* "Xenophaneros Anartaxius anartax...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]"
<FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com>
*To:* "FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com" <FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com>
*Sent:* Tuesday, October 7, 2014 2:51 PM
*Subject:* Re: [FairfieldLife] Some of the embarrassing things
believers pray to their God FOR
RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the
nature of the Unknowable.
PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of
a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
—Ambrose Bierce (1906)
MORE AMBROSIA:
CLAIRVOYANT, n. A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of
seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a
blockhead.
CONVENT, n. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to
meditate upon the vice of idleness.
DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising
Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many
other goodly sons and daughters.
DIVINATION, n. The art of nosing out the occult. Divination is of as
many kinds as there are fruit-bearing varieties of the flowering dunce
and the early fool.
ESOTERIC, adj. Very particularly abstruse and consummately occult. The
ancient philosophies were of two kinds,—exoteric, those that the
philosophers themselves could partly understand, and esoteric, those
that nobody could understand. It is the latter that have most
profoundly affected modern thought and found greatest acceptance in
our time.
EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious
sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our
neighbors.
FAITH, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks
without knowledge, of things without parallel.
GHOST, n. The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.
HEATHEN, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship
something that he can see and feel.
HEAVEN, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk
of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while
you expound your own.
HEBREW, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an
altogether superior creation.
HOPE, n. Desire and expectation rolled into one.
INFIDEL, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian
religion; in Constantinople, one who does. (See GIAOUR.) A kind of
scoundrel imperfectly reverent of, and niggardly contributory to,
divines, ecclesiastics, popes, parsons, canons, monks, mollahs,
voodoos, presbyters, hierophants, prelates, obeah-men, abbes, nuns,
missionaries, exhorters, deacons, friars, hadjis, high-priests,
muezzins, brahmins, medicine-men, confessors, eminences, elders,
primates, prebendaries, pilgrims, prophets, imaums, beneficiaries,
clerks, vicars-choral, archbishops, bishops, abbots, priors,
preachers, padres, abbotesses, caloyers, palmers, curates, patriarchs,
bonezs, santons, beadsmen, canonesses, residentiaries, diocesans,
deans, subdeans, rural deans, abdals, charm-sellers, archdeacons,
hierarchs, class-leaders, incumbents, capitulars, sheiks, talapoins,
postulants, scribes, gooroos, precentors, beadles, fakeers, sextons,
reverences, revivalists, cenobites, perpetual curates, chaplains,
mudjoes, readers, novices, vicars, pastors, rabbis, ulemas, lamas,
sacristans, vergers, dervises, lectors, church wardens, cardinals,
prioresses, suffragans, acolytes, rectors, cures, sophis, mutifs and
pumpums.
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its
origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished
from the true accounts which it invents later.
PANTHEISM, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in
contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.
PHILOSOPHY, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
PILGRIM, n. A traveler that is taken seriously.
REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in
the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.
REVELATION, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed
all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know
nothing.
ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as
They Are.
SACRED, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine
character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as, the Dalai Lama
of Thibet; the Moogum of M'bwango; the temple of Apes in Ceylon; the
Cow in India; the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt;
the Mufti of Moosh; the hair of the dog that bit Noah, etc.
SAINT, n. A dead sinner revised and edited.
SCRIPTURES, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished
from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
SELF-ESTEEM, n. An erroneous appraisement.
SELF-EVIDENT, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.
SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
SYCOPHANT, n. One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may
not be commanded to turn and be kicked. He is sometimes an editor.
WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league
with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in
wickedness a league beyond the devil.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
*From:* "TurquoiseBee turquoi...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]"
<FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com>
*To:* "FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com" <FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com>
*Sent:* Tuesday, October 7, 2014 11:56 AM
*Subject:* [FairfieldLife] Some of the embarrassing things believers
pray to their God FOR
If this survey is anywhere near accurate, it looks to me as if
believers (or American believers, anyway) are a bunch of hypocrites
and slackers and vengeful psychopaths. At the very least, they're more
honest with a telephone pollster than they are with their supposedly
omniscient God.
This is how many religious people are willing to admit to a pollster
that they actively mislead God
<http://www.motherjones.com/kevin-drum/2014/10/5-percent-religious-americans-routinely-try-fool-god>
image
<http://www.motherjones.com/kevin-drum/2014/10/5-percent-religious-americans-routinely-try-fool-god>
This is how many religious people are willing to admit t...
<http://www.motherjones.com/kevin-drum/2014/10/5-percent-religious-americans-routinely-try-fool-god>
A new poll has some surprising findings about Americans who say they
pray regularly.
View on www.motherjones.com
<http://www.motherjones.com/kevin-drum/2014/10/5-percent-religious-americans-routinely-try-fool-god>
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