Sorry, Fleetwood, I'm grateful you posted the article and I found it very 
useful. 

      From: "fleetwood_macnche...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]" 
<FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com>
 To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com 
 Sent: Sunday, November 2, 2014 6:47 AM
 Subject: Re: [FairfieldLife] 7 Techniques to Handle Toxic People
   
    If you can, with great effort and mental exertion, get past the title, 
there is some great advice there, especially the first one: Set Limits. I also 
liked, "Defend Your Joy".


---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <sharelong60@...> wrote :

Fleetwood, having read 75% of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Bradberry and 
Greaves, I'd say that the phrase "toxic people" is NOT very emotionally 
intelligent! Plus, I have not seen any phrase even suggesting such a concept in 
the book. The authors focus on toxic behavior and how to manage it. 

After self awareness and self management, the other crucial elements of EI, 
according to them, are social awareness and relationship management. Which 
means understanding people and their emotions and dealing with all that in a 
healthy way. I'm 99% sure that labeling someone "toxic" would not lead to 
healthy thinking, feeling or behaving about the other person or the situation! 
At least in the EI contexts I've encountered. 

My guess is that the author of the article wanted a title that would grab 
people's attention. According to meme theory, any title that evokes fear is 
most likely to accomplish that. Plus she used a popular phrase that would offer 
people a false sense of safety in something familiar. 
 
  From: "fleetwood_macncheese@... [FairfieldLife]" 
<FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com>
 To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com 
 Sent: Saturday, November 1, 2014 9:40 PM
 Subject: [FairfieldLife] 7 Techniques to Handle Toxic People
 
 After Share mentioned Emotional Intelligence, I found this:
http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/7-techniques-to-handle-toxic-people.html

The sad reality is that toxic people are common. Socommon, in fact, that my 
Inc.com colleague Lolly Daskal was recently able tocome up with 10 types or 
subspecies of this noxious breed. Equally troubling isthe effect those 
individuals--who like to push others' buttons, stymieprojects, and inject 
pessimism into every situation--can have on theirbetter-adjusted co-workers.  
"Recent research from the Department of Biologicaland Clinical Psychology at 
Friedrich Schiller University in Germany found thatexposure to stimuli that 
cause strong negative emotions--the same kind ofexposure you get when dealing 
with toxic people--caused subjects' brains tohave a massive stress response," 
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 author TravisBradberry recently wrote in his 
LinkedIn Influencer column.  That level of stress, science has shown, can 
actuallycause negative physical changes in your brain. You've probably 
experiencedfirsthand what that feels like subjectively--in short, it's 
terrible! So howcan you stop these toxic people from messing with your mind, as 
well as hurtingyour productivity?  In his hugely useful post, Bradberry offers 
a dozentechniques to take the sting out of your office crazy person or resident 
grump.Here are seven of the best.  1. Set limits  Combine your niceness with 
someone else's love of endlesscomplaint and you have a recipe for a whole lot 
of wasted time and unnecessarystress. Don't feel bound to indulge the constant 
kvetcher at your company,advises Bradberry."People often feel pressure to 
listen to complainersbecause they don't want to be seen as callous or rude, but 
there's a fine linebetween lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into 
their negativeemotional spiral," he writes. "You can avoid this only by 
settinglimits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: If 
thecomplainer were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling 
thesecond-hand smoke?" How do you do this in practice? Just ask them how 
theyintend to fix whatever it is they're complaining about. That should either 
putthe conversation on a more positive track or quiet them down.  2. Choose 
your battles  "Successful people know how important it is to liveto fight 
another day, especially when your foe is a toxic individual. Inconflict, 
unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind ofbattle that 
can leave you severely damaged," says Bradberry. "Chooseyour battles wisely and 
only stand your ground when the time is right."  3. Keep tabs on your own 
emotions  The danger of toxic people is that their negativity canbe 
catching--even if you're usually not the type to get sucked into 
endlesscrankiness and gloom. So keep a sharp eye out for how your annoying 
officemateaffects your emotions. "You can't stop someone from pushing your 
buttonsif you don't recognize when it's happening," he advises.  By keeping 
tabs on when someone is riling you up, you canbetter choose calm times to deal 
with that person. "Think of it thisway--if a mentally unstable person 
approaches you on the street and tells youhe's John F. Kennedy, you're unlikely 
to set him straight. When you findyourself with a co-worker who is engaged in 
similarly derailed thinking,sometimes it's best to just smile and nod. If 
you're going to have tostraighten them out, it's better to give yourself some 
time to plan the bestway to go about it," Bradberry offers as an illustration.  
4. Defend your joy  Making your happiness contingent on the happiness ofpeople 
who love to be miserable is a losing game. "When your sense ofpleasure and 
satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, youare no longer 
the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligentpeople feel good 
about something that they've done, they won't let anyone'sopinions or snide 
remarks take that away from them," Bradberry insists.  So train yourself to 
take others' commentary with a grainof salt and let your own feelings about 
your accomplishments take the lead.  5. Focus on solutions  You can't make your 
toxic colleagues any less crazy, sodon't waste your time ruminating on their 
many, many faults. That will justdrag you down to their level. Instead try to 
focus on positive and practicalmeasures you can take to deal with them. "This 
makes you more effective byputting you in control, and it will reduce the 
amount of stress you experiencewhen interacting with them," explains Bradberry. 
 6. Watch physical stressors  You already have enough on your plate managing 
the toxicpeople in your life. Don't make it more difficult on yourself by 
trying to doit when you're exhausted or strung out on 18 cups of coffee.  "Your 
self-control, attention, and memory are allreduced when you don't get 
enough--or the right kind--of sleep. Sleepdeprivation raises stress hormone 
levels on its own, even without a stressorpresent," Bradberry reminds readers. 
"A good night's sleep makes youmore positive, creative, and proactive in your 
approach to toxic people, givingyou the perspective you need to deal 
effectively with them."  7. Enlist help  Sometimes you're just too close to a 
toxic situation toassess it thoughtfully and come up with optimum solutions. In 
these situations,an outside perspective can be a lifesaver. Don't attempt to be 
a hero andhandle the toxic people in your work life 100 percent on your own.  
"Everyone has someone at work and/or outside workwho is on their team, rooting 
for them, and ready to help them get the bestfrom a difficult situation. 
Identify these individuals in your life and make aneffort to seek their insight 
and assistance when you need it," Bradberryurges those overwhelmed by crazy 
colleagues.


  #yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884 -- #yiv6594026884ygrp-mkp {border:1px solid 
#d8d8d8;font-family:Arial;margin:10px 0;padding:0 10px;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-mkp hr {border:1px solid #d8d8d8;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-mkp #yiv6594026884hd 
{color:#628c2a;font-size:85%;font-weight:700;line-height:122%;margin:10px 
0;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-mkp #yiv6594026884ads 
{margin-bottom:10px;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-mkp .yiv6594026884ad 
{padding:0 0;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-mkp .yiv6594026884ad p 
{margin:0;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-mkp .yiv6594026884ad a 
{color:#0000ff;text-decoration:none;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-sponsor 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-lc {font-family:Arial;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-sponsor #yiv6594026884ygrp-lc #yiv6594026884hd {margin:10px 
0px;font-weight:700;font-size:78%;line-height:122%;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-sponsor #yiv6594026884ygrp-lc .yiv6594026884ad 
{margin-bottom:10px;padding:0 0;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884actions 
{font-family:Verdana;font-size:11px;padding:10px 0;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884activity 
{background-color:#e0ecee;float:left;font-family:Verdana;font-size:10px;padding:10px;}#yiv6594026884
 #yiv6594026884activity span {font-weight:700;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884activity span:first-child 
{text-transform:uppercase;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884activity span a 
{color:#5085b6;text-decoration:none;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884activity span 
span {color:#ff7900;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884activity span 
.yiv6594026884underline {text-decoration:underline;}#yiv6594026884 
.yiv6594026884attach 
{clear:both;display:table;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;padding:10px 
0;width:400px;}#yiv6594026884 .yiv6594026884attach div a 
{text-decoration:none;}#yiv6594026884 .yiv6594026884attach img 
{border:none;padding-right:5px;}#yiv6594026884 .yiv6594026884attach label 
{display:block;margin-bottom:5px;}#yiv6594026884 .yiv6594026884attach label a 
{text-decoration:none;}#yiv6594026884 blockquote {margin:0 0 0 
4px;}#yiv6594026884 .yiv6594026884bold 
{font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;font-weight:700;}#yiv6594026884 
.yiv6594026884bold a {text-decoration:none;}#yiv6594026884 dd.yiv6594026884last 
p a {font-family:Verdana;font-weight:700;}#yiv6594026884 dd.yiv6594026884last p 
span {margin-right:10px;font-family:Verdana;font-weight:700;}#yiv6594026884 
dd.yiv6594026884last p span.yiv6594026884yshortcuts 
{margin-right:0;}#yiv6594026884 div.yiv6594026884attach-table div div a 
{text-decoration:none;}#yiv6594026884 div.yiv6594026884attach-table 
{width:400px;}#yiv6594026884 div.yiv6594026884file-title a, #yiv6594026884 
div.yiv6594026884file-title a:active, #yiv6594026884 
div.yiv6594026884file-title a:hover, #yiv6594026884 div.yiv6594026884file-title 
a:visited {text-decoration:none;}#yiv6594026884 div.yiv6594026884photo-title a, 
#yiv6594026884 div.yiv6594026884photo-title a:active, #yiv6594026884 
div.yiv6594026884photo-title a:hover, #yiv6594026884 
div.yiv6594026884photo-title a:visited {text-decoration:none;}#yiv6594026884 
div#yiv6594026884ygrp-mlmsg #yiv6594026884ygrp-msg p a 
span.yiv6594026884yshortcuts 
{font-family:Verdana;font-size:10px;font-weight:normal;}#yiv6594026884 
.yiv6594026884green {color:#628c2a;}#yiv6594026884 .yiv6594026884MsoNormal 
{margin:0 0 0 0;}#yiv6594026884 o {font-size:0;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884photos div {float:left;width:72px;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884photos div div {border:1px solid 
#666666;height:62px;overflow:hidden;width:62px;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884photos div label 
{color:#666666;font-size:10px;overflow:hidden;text-align:center;white-space:nowrap;width:64px;}#yiv6594026884
 #yiv6594026884reco-category {font-size:77%;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884reco-desc {font-size:77%;}#yiv6594026884 .yiv6594026884replbq 
{margin:4px;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-actbar div a:first-child 
{margin-right:2px;padding-right:5px;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-mlmsg 
{font-size:13px;font-family:Arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-mlmsg table {font-size:inherit;font:100%;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-mlmsg select, #yiv6594026884 input, #yiv6594026884 textarea 
{font:99% Arial, Helvetica, clean, sans-serif;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-mlmsg pre, #yiv6594026884 code {font:115% 
monospace;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-mlmsg * 
{line-height:1.22em;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-mlmsg #yiv6594026884logo 
{padding-bottom:10px;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-msg p a 
{font-family:Verdana;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-msg 
p#yiv6594026884attach-count span {color:#1E66AE;font-weight:700;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-reco #yiv6594026884reco-head 
{color:#ff7900;font-weight:700;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-reco 
{margin-bottom:20px;padding:0px;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-sponsor 
#yiv6594026884ov li a {font-size:130%;text-decoration:none;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-sponsor #yiv6594026884ov li 
{font-size:77%;list-style-type:square;padding:6px 0;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-sponsor #yiv6594026884ov ul {margin:0;padding:0 0 0 
8px;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-text 
{font-family:Georgia;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-text p {margin:0 0 1em 
0;}#yiv6594026884 #yiv6594026884ygrp-text tt {font-size:120%;}#yiv6594026884 
#yiv6594026884ygrp-vital ul li:last-child {border-right:none 
!important;}#yiv6594026884 

  
  • [FairfieldLife]... fleetwood_macnche...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
    • [Fairfield... awoelfleba...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
      • [Fairf... fleetwood_macnche...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
    • Re: [Fairf... Share Long sharelon...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
      • Re: [F... fleetwood_macnche...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
        • Re... Share Long sharelon...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
    • Re: [Fairf... Mike Dixon mdixon.6...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
      • Re: [F... fleetwood_macnche...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
      • Re: [F... steve.sun...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
        • Re... Mike Dixon mdixon.6...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
        • Re... 'Richard J. Williams' pundits...@gmail.com [FairfieldLife]
          • ... Mike Dixon mdixon.6...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
          • ... Mike Dixon mdixon.6...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
      • Re: [F... Share Long sharelon...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
        • Re... fleetwood_macnche...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]
          • ... awoelfleba...@yahoo.com [FairfieldLife]

Reply via email to