I have very much a live and let live attitude.

 For *me* (just little old me) this whole scenario wouldn't tempt me as what 
they call "possessiveness" I would see as "loyalty". Different strokes for 
different folks.


---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <steve.sundur@...> wrote :

 the advocates are quite open about these issues, and how they deal with them. 

 but it appears that much work is needed to overcome issues along these lines 
which inevitably come up.

 and then, after you work to resolve one issue along these lines, the same, or 
similar issue may come up, a day later, or a week later, and open up all the 
same wounds.

 at least that appears to be a likely scenario to me.

 human emotions tend to be pretty fragile, especially along the lines of 
physical intimacy

 I mean, do you really want to have your life interrupted by a continual rap 
session along the lines of, "I feel _____"  and "Okay, I understand you feel 
____________", but "my needs are ____________".  "How can I be sure my needs 
are being met without disregarding your needs"  Hug. "Let's sleep on it"  "Good 
idea" (-:

---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <s3raphita@...> wrote :

 Re "Polyamorists cite the human tendency towards jealousy and possessiveness 
as major hurdles in polyamory, and also as personal limitations to overcome.": 

 Good luck with that one.



---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, <awoelflebater@...> wrote :

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Polyamory&action=edit&section=8] Main 
article: Values within polyamory 
 Fidelity and loyalty: Many polyamorists define fidelity not as sexual 
exclusivity, but as faithfulness to the promises and agreements made about a 
relationship. A secret sexual relationship that violates those accords would be 
seen as a breach of fidelity. Polyamorists generally base definitions of 
commitment on considerations other than sexual exclusivity, e.g. "trust and 
honesty" or "growing old together".[44] 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory#cite_note-44 Communication and 
negotiation: Because there is no "standard model" for polyamorous 
relationships, and reliance upon common expectations may not be realistic, 
polyamorists often advocate explicitly negotiating with all involved to 
establish the terms of their relationships, and often emphasize that this 
should be an ongoing process of honest communication and respect. Polyamorists 
will usually take a pragmatic approach to their relationships; many accept that 
sometimes they and their partners will make mistakes and fail to live up to 
these ideals, and that communication is important for repairing any 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory#cite_note-s.org-46 Trust, honesty, 
dignity, and respect: Most polyamorists emphasize respect, trust, and honesty 
for all partners.[45] 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory#cite_note-s.org-46 Ideally, a partner's 
partners are accepted as part of that person's life rather than merely 
tolerated, and usually a relationship that requires deception or a "don't ask 
don't tell" policy is seen as a less than ideal model. Boundaries and 
agreements: Poly relationships often involve negotiating agreements, and 
establishing specific boundaries, or "ground rules"; such agreements vary 
widely and may change over time, but could include, for example: consultation 
about new relationships; devising schedules that work for everyone; limits on 
physical displays of affection in public or among mixed company; and budgeting 
the amount of money a partner can spend on additional partners. Gender 
equality: Many polyamorists do not believe in different relationship "rules" 
based on gender http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_role, a point of contrast 
with some forms of religious non-monogamy, which are often patriarchically 
based. Commonly, however, couples first expanding an existing monogamous 
relationship into a polyamorous one, may adhere to gender-specific boundaries 
until all parties are comfortable with the new dynamic, such as when a wife 
agrees not to engage sexually with another male at her husband's request, but 
may be allowed to have romantic and sexual relationships with women. Such terms 
and boundaries are negotiable, and such asymmetric 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symmetry degrees of freedom among the partners 
(who need not be of different genders) are more often due to individual 
differences and needs, and are usually understood to be temporary and within a 
negotiated time frame until further opening up of the relationship becomes 
practicable or easier for the parties to handle emotionally. 
Non-possessiveness: Many polyamorists view excessive restrictions on other deep 
relationships as less than desirable, as such restrictions can be used to 
replace trust with a framework of ownership and control. It is usually 
preferred or encouraged that a polyamorist strive to view their partners' other 
significant others (often referred to as OSOs) in terms of the gain to their 
partners' lives rather than a threat to their own (see compersion 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory#Compersion). Therefore, jealousy and 
possessiveness are generally viewed not so much as something to avoid or 
structure the relationships around, but as responses that should be explored, 
understood, and resolved within each individual, with compersion as a goal. 
Sharing of domestic burden[edit 
Claimed benefits of a polyamorous relationship include the following:[47] 
 The ability of parties to discuss issues with multiple partners has the 
potential to add mediation and stabilization to a relationship, and to reduce 
polarization of viewpoints. Emotional support and structure provided by other 
committed adults within the family unit. A wider range of experience, skills, 
resources, and perspectives that multiple adults bring to a family dynamic. The 
ability to share chores and child supervision, reducing domestic and child 
rearing pressure upon adults' time without needing to pay for outside child 
caregivers. Greatly reduced per capita cost of living. Increased financial 
stability; the loss of one income is not the entirety of the family income (if 
only one parent works), or half the family income (if both parents work), but 
may be far less. Specific issues affecting polyamorous relationships[edit 
Polyamorists cite the human tendency towards jealousy 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy and possessiveness as major hurdles in 
polyamory, and also as personal limitations to overcome:[10] 
 Possessiveness can be a major stumbling block, and often it prevents what 
could be a successful polyamourous relationship from forming. When people are 
viewed, even inadvertently, as possessions, they become a commodity, a valuable 
one at that. Just as most people are reluctant to let go of what little money 
that they have, people are also reluctant to "share" their beloved. After all, 
what if [their beloved] finds someone else who is more 
attractive/intelligent/well-liked/successful/etc.. than [themselves], and 
decides to abandon the relationship in favor of the new lover? These sorts of 
feelings act as inferiority complexes inside of polyamorous relationships and 
must be resolved, completely, before a polyamorous relationship can be truly 
successful.[48] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory#cite_note-48
 An editorial article on the polyamory website Polyamoryonline.org proposed in 
2006 the following issues as being worthy of specific coverage and 
attention:[49] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory#cite_note-49
 Helping children cope with "being different". "Coming out 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coming_out"; as polyamorous (and explaining 
polyamory) to children. Polyamorous parental interactions. Polyamory social 
settings (involving children). Legal (parenting) issues. The author, herself 
part of a polyamorous relationship with two other adults, comments that:
 The kids started realizing that there were three adults in the house that they 
had to answer to. Then came the onslaught of trying to 'befriend' a particular 
adult and get what they wanted from that one adult. Another big shock when they 
found that it didn't work and that we all communicated about wants or needs of 
any given child. After this was established, we sort of fell into our patterns 
of school, practices, just normal life in general. The kids all started 
realizing that there were three of us to care for them when they were sick, 
three of us to get scolded from, hugs from, tickles from; three of us to feed 
the small army of mouths and three of us to trust completely in. After trust 
was established, they asked more questions. Why do we have to live together? 
Why can't I have my own room? ... Why do you guys love each other? Why do I 
have to listen to them (non-biological parent)? We answered them as truthfully 
as we could and as much as was appropriate for their age. I found that it was 
more unnerving for me to think about how to approach a new kid and their 
parents than it ever was for the kids.[citation needed 




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