Americano no room here (lactose intolerant). :) I don't know about the UK but here in the US we have a lot of goofballs like this. We call them "self-entitled" and if it can be done they will do it. I don't know how many times I back out of a head-in parking spot in a lot with barely any room for a car to pass and some moron will come screaming through that thin spot. I figure these are highly neurotic individuals who are someday not going to be so lucky and get their car smashed into and *then* they'll try to bend things to make it look like it is the other guy's fault. I think we put so much wrongly placed emphasis on "self-esteem" that we now have a bunch of buttheads in society.
Now sometimes in a case like yours I will get another reaction like "sorry, I a really stupid person and do this all the time." Like being stupid is a valid excuse. "Sorry" would have sufficed. Maybe its time to bring in the asteroid. ;-) Paul Mason wrote: >TurqB, mine's a capuccino. >What you are going on about people trying to avoid personal criticism >by deflecting it on to others, it reminds me of something that >happened a while back, something that still galls me... >I was walking along a pavement (the stip of pathway running down the >side of a road & reserved solely for pedestrians) and I was shocked >to find a car backing down towards me at speed. Though I hardly had >time for evasive manoevures I jst managed to dodge out of the way in >time. I then whacked my hand on the car to gain the driver's >attention and pointed out to him that he had come that close to >mowing me down. >And do you know what he does? Does he apologise? Does he try to >explain his actions? Does he heck? Instead he shouts and gestures >angrilly denying everything. And do you know what seems to get to him >most is the fact that I touched his vehicle! >Now, as this incident happened a while back, I have had time to >reflect on this ^!*?*$'s behaviour. I think what happened is that he >chose denial because he feared any confession might be used against >him. >Clearly, this car driver's behaviour stems from a misplaced self- >interest, as does Rama's, with his brushing off personal criticism >as 'Anti-Buddhist'. >But, I'd like to know what, if anything, is actually achieved by such >twisty behaviour? Personally I think that in spite of deflecting >attention from their own misbehaviour they eventually pay the price. >Even the mighty fall - for surely none can dodge the karma? > > >--- In [email protected], TurquoiseB <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > >>I've grown fascinated with this phenomenon over the last >>few days, not so much on this forum (although it has >>certainly shown up here), but because it's reared its ugly >>head on a number of other spiritual forums that I'm a part >>of. So I thought I'd rap about it a little. Those of you >>who don't enjoy Sunday morning café raps by weird old >>farts who live in France can hit the Next key now. :-) >> >>The phenomenon I'm talking about goes like this. Whether >>in person (in some kind of interview) or on an Internet >>forum like this one, someone takes a member of a spiritual >>group to task for his or her *personal* behavior. For >>example, the person criticizes a poster for consistently >>trying to make excuses (often lame and rather strained >>excuses) for behavior on the part of the leader of his >>group or the group's organization that *most* people >>in the world would consider unethical. >> >>And so how does the person whose personal behavior has >>been criticized respond? By trying to portray it as >>criticism of (or an attack on) the *group*, not him. >> >>Thus suddenly you've got the person whose *personal* >>behavior was questioned spouting phrases like "anti- >>Buddhist" or "anti-TM" or "anti-Christian" or what- >>ever. So what's the purpose of this dodge, and where >>does it come from? >> >>I think it's learned behavior, taught in many cases >>by the organizations to which these people belong. >>They've watched the teachers of their organizations >>or the other representatives do this so often that >>they've come to believe that pulling this stunt is >>acceptable behavior. >> >>Some examples, from the Rama guy I studied with for >>some time. He came under a lot of fire for the amounts >>of money he charged as tuition, and for the flamboyant >>ways in which he spent that money (not to mention his >>unorthodox lifestyle). And whenever a bout of this >>criticism would come up, he'd try to turn the criticism >>of *him* *personally* into criticism of the entire group >>of students. "The people saying these things are the >>enemies of enlightenement." "They resent the light they >>feel coming from us." "They are attacking Buddhism." >> >>Well, they *weren't* attacking Buddhism; they *weren't* >>criticizing his students: they were attacking "him*. But >>to *deflect* that criticism, he tried to convince his >>students that these criticisms were aimed at *them*, >>because they practiced Buddhism, and were not directed >>at him (the teacher) personally. >> >>I've seen the same thing in TM, and in lots of other >>spiritual groups. The point of this dodge is twofold. >>On the one hand, it is an attempt to defuse the things >>the critic is saying by portraying him as some kind of >>bigot who has an issue with the spiritual group to >>which the person or persons being criticized belongs. >>On the other hand, it is a "rallying cry" for the other >>members of the group, a transparent attempt to make >>them stop thinking about the criticisms themselves >>and the person or persons the criticism were really >>aimed at, and instead get all paranoid and start to >>believe that *they* personally (as fellow members of >>the group) are being attacked. >> >>I find it fascinating. It shows up in *so* many >>spiritual contexts (not to mention political ones, >>such as how the Bushies deal with criticism of them, >>personally). And it's often effective. When this ruse >>is employed, often otherwise rational people start >>joining in with the paranoia, *ignoring* what and >>who the original criticism was about, and feeling >>all persecuted because they've been convinced that >>the critic is attacking their group, and thus them. >> >>I'm mentioning it here because this dodge has been >>tried here a few times lately. A poster or posters >>make some comments about how one or more of the other >>posters at FFL handle themselves *personally*, and >>their *first* response is to trot out the phrase, >>"anti-TMer," and attempt to brand the critic with it. >> >>I might suggest a strategy when this next happens. >>I've seen it work, and work well, on other forums >>on which it has been suggested. Whenever anyone tries >>to label another poster who has criticized *them* >>*personally* as an "anti-<fill in group here>-er," >>notice whether the person doing the name-calling >>has actually dealt with or attempted to refute the >>behavior of theirs that was questioned in the first >>place. I think you'll find that they rarely do. >> >>It's like they believe that if they use the olde >>tried-and-true "Call the critic an 'anti-whatever-er'" >>trick, the other people on the forum (who still, after >>all, feel some allegiance to the group in question) >>will abandon their critical faculties and become so >>emotionally upset that someone has attacked *them* >>(which no one has done, of course...they criticized >>the name-caller, not them, not the group) that they'll >>ignore the fact that the name-caller has never denied >>the original criticism. >> >>If you think back (or watch posts in the future), I >>think you'll be as amazed at how often this tactic >>appears as I am. It's like the people who employ it >>think that it's the Ultimate Answer to any criticism >>of their personal behavior -- attempt to convince >>the other posters on the forum that it's not them >>that's being criticized, but the group to which they >>belong. Sadly, often the Ultimate Answer seems to work >>exactly that way. >> >>So I'm just posting this rap to see whether this tactic >>works as well after someone has exposed it for what it is: >>cult-think. >> >> >> > > > > > > > To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
