Second only to Home Theater Deficiency Disorder where you only see 2/3s of the picture and hear 1/3 of the audio.
Jeff Fischer wrote: >> More than thirty-five million Americans may currently be suffering >> > from a > >> newly-discovered disorder that affects brain chemistry, behavior and >> health: Television Deficiency Disorder, or TDD for short. Based on >> > work by > >> Dr. Anne Tennah, a psychiatrist who specializes in brain chemistry >> disorders, this little-known disorder is now thought to be more >> > widespread > >> than ADHD and Bi-Polar combined. >> >> Television Deficiency Disorder is a serious condition brought on by >> > a > lack > >> of television programming. Victims display excessive intelligence >> quotients (I.Q.s), an exaggerated sense of self esteem, and >> > "suspiciously > >> high" levels of physical activity that keep them strangely thin. >> > "These > >> victims stray from societal norms," explained Dr. Tennah. "With >> > their > >> heightened cognitive function but lack of exposure to sitcoms, >> > reality > >> shows and shaped news programs, they are unable to interact with >> > normal > >> people in society." >> >> Dr. Anne Tennah suggests that victims of TDD be prescribed >> > additional > >> television programming. "Parents especially need to make sure their >> children receive at least two to three hours of television >> > programming per > >> day," she said. "Otherwise, they may grow up imbalanced and require >> medication." >> >> The medications used to treat Television Deficiency Disorder have, >> coincidentally, just been approved by the Fraud and Drug >> > Administration. > >> Manufactured by ConPhuzer, a Big Pharma giant, the drugs are >> > stimulant > >> amphetamines similar to those prescribed for ADHD, but with much >> > higher > >> potency. "These drugs put children in a quiet, receptive state >> > where > they > >> can sit in front of the television for hours and soak up all the >> programming they need," explained Dr. Tennah. "They're miracle >> > drugs. > I > >> intend on prescribing them to all my patients." >> >> Share prices for ConPhuzer rose $2.37 on the news of the drug >> > approval by > >> the FDA, and then leaped another $12.62 on the announcement that >> Television Deficiency Disorder had been discovered. This thrilled >> > major > >> ConPhuzer shareholders such as the ghost of Kenneth Lay, the former >> > CEO of > >> Enron who is now apparently immune to all insider trading crimes >> > because > >> he is no longer living. >> >> Most of the people who need treatment for Television Deficiency >> > Disorder > >> are not receiving it, say members of non-profit patient advocacy >> > groups. > >> They offer free screenings to the public in order to help people >> > determine > >> if they, too, may suffer from undiagnosed Television Deficiency >> > Disorder. > >> Screenings are held with very large screens to maximize the disorder >> detection accuracy. >> >> Doctors also now believe that Television Deficiency Disorder is >> > genetic. > >> "If your parents didn't watch much television, chances are that you >> > won't > >> either," explained Dr. Tennah. "That puts you at high risk for TDD >> disorder, and treatment is recommended to prevent the disorder in >> > all > >> high-risk patients." >> >> Television and cable news channels are also urging the public to be >> tested. "This rising problem of Television Deficiency Disorder may >> > explain > >> our plummeting ratings," said Freeh Quincy, the director of >> > programming > >> for MSNBCBS. "We are doing our part to help eradicate this disease >> > by > >> taking millions of dollars from drug companies and running their >> advertisements alongside news reports that highlight the disorder." >> >> Even as tens of millions of Americans may now be suffering from >> > Television > >> Deficiency Disorder, third world countries are hit even >> > harder. "Many > >> countries don't even have televisions," warned Dr. Anne >> > Tennah, "And > as a > >> result, they are in the midst of widespread TDD epidemics that are >> > worse > >> than AIDS." International aid is being organized to help bring such >> countries more television programming, along with western junk food >> restaurants, drug companies and soda giants to support the >> > advertising > >> requirements of local television shows. "The more television we can >> > bring > >> these people, the better off they will be," Dr. Tennah said. "We >> > must > >> spread American culture throughout the world in order to save >> > everyone." > >> Back in the United States, parents, schoolteachers and librarians >> > are > >> being urged to help boost the television time of children. They are >> > also > >> warned that reading, exercising, family interaction and play time >> > all > >> interfere with quality television programming, so such activities >> > should > >> be limited, psychiatrists say. >> >> Finally, psychiatrists are also urging all parents to realize that >> > this > >> report is a satire piece, meaning that it is entirely fictitious. >> > It > does > >> serve, however, as a metaphor for the incessant disease mongering >> > and > >> "screening & treatment" scams being operated today by drug >> > companies, > >> disease non-profit groups and the psychiatric community. So-called >> disorders ranging from ADHD to "social anxiety disorder" are >> > invented, > >> promoted and sold to the public in order to convince people they >> > need > >> expense pharmaceuticals to lead healthy lives. The effort has >> > nothing > to > >> do with health, but everything to do with generating profits for Big >> Pharma. >> >> Remember: The best way to get people to buy more drugs is to first >> convince them they have a disease. And the easiest way to do that? >> > Make up > >> a disease based on behavior, not physiology, then buy off all the >> > industry > >> experts to help publicize your newly-invented disease. Throw a few >> > million > >> dollars at the media, sneak a fraudulent study into the medical >> > journals, > >> threaten to blackball researchers who try to tell the truth, and -- >> > voila! > >> -- you've just invented a billion-dollar industry selling drugs to >> > people > >> who don't need them. >> >> This is how medicine operates today, where virtually every popular >> > health > >> condition from breast cancer to high cholesterol is over-diagnosed, >> over-treated and over-marketed to a gullible public who are far too >> > easily > >> manipulated by television programming. >> > > > > > To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ <*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional <*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/join (Yahoo! 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