It's clear the tears are flowing for you and Loki, mine included, across
the country. My heart goes out to you, Steve--unfortunately, most if not all of
us reading your sad message understand only too well the anguish you are going
through. Loki fought the good fight...I hope you will be comforted in the days
to come by the sure knowledge that he truly couldn't have wished for a
kinder, or more loving, or more caring dad than you, while he battled
against all the odds.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Steve.
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2005 2:52
PM
Subject: Loki is at rest
My last little love is gone. I
had to put him to sleep late yesterday.
For the past two weeks, my every waking
moment and thought has been for and about Loki. I did put him on
Prednisone a week ago and it initial seemed to help, but very quickly it was
as before. I then called the vet and we doubled his dosage. Once
again, it initially seemed to help--though he seemed "drugged" this time--then
quickly faded to his former uncomfortable state. At no time, did the
Pred noticeably shrink the large tumor impeding his little lungs.
I had been letting him outside to wander
in the tall spring grass (weeds) all around the house. He loved it and
it was a great distraction and wonderful sensory stimulation for
him. If Loki did not have these wonderful days, I may have PTS sooner,
as the nights were uncomfortable for him--he could no longer lay on his side
and his lungs were pumping hard all the time.
Yesterday, too many changes took place: He
was not enjoying the out-of-doors like he had been, I did not see him drink
water or eat his dry food, he didn't want to bend down to eat his chicken
baby food treat (had to hold it up for him), and for the first time, he had a
slightly open mouth. At most other times during the day, he was lying or
sitting with labored breathing and looking very tired. I felt it was the
right time to stop subjecting Loki's system to new measures, so I made the
agonizing decision.
My 10 month, 10 day old Loki went
peacefully and quickly and is now buried next to his sister under "their" oak
tree.
My beautiful brown/dark gray tiger kitty
had a special personality, quite different, but just as wonderful as his
orange tabby sister Leeloo. Both were chosen from the litter my sister
and nieces were raising because their stars seemed to burn very
bright. These kittens--the smallest of the litter--had unusually
beautiful little souls. Loki also had a smell, as his sister did; not
the perfume my girl kitty Leeloo had, but the smoky earthy scent of a boy
kitty. Perhaps like air smells during the first rain on dry soil.
One could say his scent tended a tiny bit toward chocolate and even cinnamon,
like one lister noticed of her boy kitty. I will miss him jumping up to
lay at the back of my neck and bending around to rub his face against
mine, purring all the while; coming to lay on his pillow at the side of
my computer to be near me; and turning over to rub his back on the floor and
to get his belly rubbed.
I will be morning his loss for a long
time... I can't see a time when I will stop. I know my pain will ease
eventually and I know there will soon be a time that I will no longer be
exhausted from crying. I loved my little Loki like there was no
tomorrow.
Steve
